Tuesday, September 18, 2012

On Friends and Friendships

Hello blogville (is it still called that or am I stale?lol) Lately I've been thinking about and assessing my friendships. I saw a quote somewhere that said 'friendship is not about who you've known the longest, it's about who came and never left your side'. I pondered this saying for several days and decided that it's mostly true.

I used to believe in the concept of one best friend. I'm very sentimental and emotional and when I call someone my friend, I invest a lot in the friendship emotionally. Unfortunately there are times when it seems my efforts or 'feelings' (almost sounds like I'm talking about the opposite sex) are not returned accordingly. I have come to realise it's not that these people don't like me, it's just that they see our friendship in a different light.

The bible talks about a friend who sticks closer than a brother. I reckon these are the friends who stay when you need them or the ones you can call on when you need them and you know they'll answer. They are those friends who you're not afraid to tell your innermost fears or secrets because you know they won't judge you. When you need counsel, they'll be there with the right one and when they don't have any counsel, they still listen to your ramblings, when you need a knock on the head, they can give you without being afraid. When you've done well, they're also there to rejoice with you. They can tell you the truth without blinking.

I have come to the position that not everyone is going to have that one best friend who is there through the years and knows all about you. If we do look closely though, we might be able to come up with a number of close friends who meet different needs in our lives and vice versa. If that's what we can get, then it's worth investing in the different relationships and keeping them going. Sometimes when I watch movies and see how some people have that one very close friend who is like family and knows everything about them like Oprah and Gail, I wonder what it would really be like to have that and then I realise those kind of relationships might exist but again might not be for everyone. They might also be easier to cultivate when people don't move away. These days though, it might be harder to cultivate such friendships with how much mobility we all have.

Over the years, I've watched how my mum has kept some friends. They might not see each other often but they're the same people she calls when she needs people to rally around her. They're there for her birthdays, her kids' weddings, same friends. What stands out is she didn't even meet some of these people till she was in her 30s but they have remained friends for about 30 years. They've watched each other give birth to their children, celebrated milestones together, sadly stood by some when they lost their husbands, now they're celebrating grandchildren together and many other things. My hubby and I then came to a conclusion that we haven't necessarily forged all our close friendships yet and that one could make the mistake of thinking one's life has already been lived when it's just starting actually. I'm keeping my mind open and seeing which of my present friendships or even new ones will make it into the future. I definitely want to have people to call on when I need them in the future.

In the past few years, I've met some amazing people who have been there for me in my dark times and in my good times. I want to take them with me to the future and I'm open to what God brings my way in terms of friendships. Sometimes it's as though I'm quite alone in this city where I live. I haven't lived here long enough anyway.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on friendships and learn a thing or two :)