Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Living with the Parents

I have a bit time on my hands so I've been watching some TV, actually maybe too much TV...:)
This post is inspired by a movie I saw on Africa Magic Yoruba. An elderly couple decide to go and live with their two sons. The younger initially refused but the older prevailed on him. The agreement is that each parent will spend six months each with their sons and swap.
The mother gives the wife a tough time, and gets angry when her son does not greet her before going to work. She wakes up early in the morning and goes to sit in their room saying she wanted to talk to her son. The wife walks out (I'm getting pissed already)
The father dishes out his own medicine. He won't let anyone serve him food aside his son's wife. If she goes out for hours, he refuses food lamenting that his son's wife is punishing him. Wife is watching a movie, he asks, and she says she's been watching out for the second part of the movie so she's happy they're showing it. Father in law decides he wants to play a music video at the same time. So she stops watching her movie.
The brothers eventually decide to send their parents back home since they were beginning to have problems in their marriages. I'm totally in support, infact, they shouldn't have waited that long.
Go forward some time, apparently their parents are cut off from them. Both children are having problems in their lives and the younger consults an Islamic cleric (the way they always go in our movies) and the cleric says he needs to get his parents shoes. The son says it's an impossibility. Eventually the cleric goes with him and they make up with the parents.
We're made to understand that these two young men are having problems because they sent their parents out of their home.
I've got a good question for the writer of this movie: does it mean children can't do right by their parents if they're not living together?
We later find out that the parents were informed by a herbalist to stay with their children for some time and pronounce blessings on them daily to make sure they have no issues in life. They're supposed to keep it a secret from the children.
I have another question. Do people actually consult herbalists in real life? Can't we reach resolutions in our movies without involving the spiritual? I'm a believer and I trust in God for solutions but I don't go round consulting different pastors! Ok, this actually isn't about me..
Are we still such a fetisg society?
The brothers find peace after they make up with their parents and their parents pray for them and forgive them.
No mention was made of what the parents did to their daughters in lawnd how they almost ruined their homes. The writer's focus was on the children sending their parents out.
Does it mean parents have a right to run their children's lives or take over their homes because they suffered for them and fended for them. So it's pay time and they must move in?
I'm totally for taking care of one's parents and supporting them. The bible encourages honouring our parents but I believe parents should allow their children live their own lives. Parents who respect themselves don't impose on their children in my opinion. I know there are circumstances when a parent has to live with their child, sometimes in case of illness or some other unforeseen circumstances. A lot of times though, a parent will side with their child against a spouse which might cause problems in the marriage. Many wives have been known to contend with mothers in law for their husbands' love while a lot of husbands have been made to suffer the wrath of protective mothers in law.
Our society believes children are parents' investments and a parent must depend on children as they get older. I've seen different cases though.
I won't flog it. We all should take care of our parents and not abandon them. Please honour your father and mother so you may live long and it may be well with you.
My question to you is this though; will you bring your parent to live permanently in your home with your spouse?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Pick A Side

Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I am a stickler for what I believer, most of the time when it comes to making a decision or taking a stand, I say what I believe unapologetically. I try not to be obnoxious though. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything, I totally agree with that and believe it.

There was a time when if you met a believer, by their words and action, you could say this person is indeed different or indeed a believer. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not about the mode of dressing. It's just something about them, it's the way they conduct themselves. Their conduct is not an arrogant air, it's just a calm assurance that comes from believing and having a relationship with someone greater.

I'll use the word Christian for a believer. Why the name? They were first Christians in the bible because they were Christ like. Their actions were different. They walked and talked differently and people said indeed they must be Christians. Everyone is a Christian now, so long as they belong to a church. Christianity is no religion, it is a way of life! Does Christ rule your actions and thoughts? Do you submit to His lordship?

In the book of James, the apostle said 'a double minded man is unstable in all his ways, let that man not think that he can receive anything from the Lord'. Who is a double minded man? One who can't make up his mind..one who can't decide where he wants to be, what he wants to be and how he wants to be. One who has refused to choose a side!

An interesting discussion ensued between some friends and I a couple of days ago and it has not stopped bothering me. It makes me ask the question are there still Christians (definitely)? Are we still allowing the author of life to reign in our thoughts and actions?

I came up with a story and said a believer I know is asking his wife to have an abortion since she's pregnant the third time and they're both workers in church. If she didn't do it, he was going to leave her. I said what I thought, abortion is murder and the fact that you didn't plan another kid is not enough to go ahead and kill a life you didn't give. I know pro choice ( or whatever people will have my head), no apologies, I believe the bible. Thou shall not kill has not been removed from the word of God.

The interesting bit is that I was said to be judging and that in matters of relationship between a man and a woman, every relationship has its own uniqueness. I don't really like arguing, most times I make my point and back down but you'll know where I stand. The conversation generated several topics but my issue was not resolved. It was painful to me that we were all Christians and subtly, the guy was excused from his 'sin'. A Christian guy would not be leaving his wife and asking her to have an abortion...afterall the bible says God hates putting away.

I know nothing is cast in stone and there are not only black and white lines, sometimes they're grey...with the word of God though, it's usually grey or white. God doesn't sit on the fence. I think that's why He said, 'choose o man, who you will serve'. I could rewrite that and say, 'dear human, you're either for or against me, pick a side'!

Do our unique circumstances sometimes excuse us from living as Christians, definitely not! If you have chosen to be a believer, please uphold the name of our God and live by His word. His commandments are not grievous!

On another note, women who have had real and serious reasons to terminate pregnancies (mostly medical) know how painful it is emotionally and physically and I think it's so superficial to go through it because you didn't plan another child. Can that person plan when to die? If you can, then pls plan when to give life.

I said to my friends, what if you did everything, took all measures (of family planning) and still ended up getting pregnant. It was disturbing for me that it was silently considered ok to make the choice you have to. Someone said 'if the husband allows her, she'll have a fourth'. And I dare say, it's not their fault, it's because they never stayed awake at night asking God for just one child. If they ever went through the pain of infertility, they would not think it's ok to end a life just because 'it was not in the plan'.

Part of the conclusion was that I'm too shielded, my marriage is too wonderful for me to know what's reality and I was priviledged to meet someone who really loves me and vice versa. I know I am but that was beside the point. There were insinuations that the said woman might have planned to get pregnant. In my story, she didn't plan it but I guess each person chose what they wanted to hear.

This is just one of many instances. The 21st century does not change the word of God. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He won't change His mind about what He has said.

Whose side are you on? Please pick a side and live on the principles of that side.
The grass withers, the flower fades but the word of our God stands sure forever! Isaiah 40 : 8

Ps. Thank you Rita for inspiring me out of my hiatus. I don't promise to be here everytime just yet but I'll be back..
A lot happened while I was away, I added a year, a milestone, I turned 30, might talk about that later. I love you all bloggers and I kinda miss you :)