Friday, August 29, 2008

...And the airbags came out!

I've been in two accidents, both time i was driving. The difference is that the first time i was a learner but the second time, i can't really explain what happened.
Saturday night, i drove to my house at night from some far away place like this and although the roads were dark, i didn't have an accident.
Sunday morning, i felt reluctant to go to cchurch, i was tired but i pushed myself and got off the bed. Afterall the children in junior church would be there and i should be a responsible teacher, so i forced myself to get up. No one else in my house wanted to go to church, hubby was tired from his friend's wedding runs and he said he'd meet me in church for the last service.
I drove all the way to church...and passed through several major roads and didn;t have an accident. An evil thought crept in my mind as i was driving of someone dying in an accident and i quickly rejected the thought, covered my family members with the blood of Jesus and quoted scriptures on protection that came to my mind. I continued listening to the praise and worship cd i was playing.
I was almost in church and the traffic light went red, i was next in line and could have run it but i am a responsible citizen clamouring for a new Nigeria, i shouldn't run the light so i waited for the light to go green again and once it did, i moved my car, and the next three minutes, i was in an accident.
A commercial bus was at the bus stop which unfortunately leads to the entrance of the church car park which also is a secondary school and as i took the turn, the bus made to move, i was avoiding being hit from the back and then i saw people in front of me, in a moment of confusion, i swerved too much to the right and next thing i new, i heard a very very loud crash coming from the right side of my car...there was smoke all over the car and the air bags...both of them were out.
When i got out, i was shaking so much from the shock, must have taken me about 10 minutes to regain a bit of composure..for cyring out loud, this was the church entrance, i had driven all the way to have an accident.
I couldn't make sense of it and i asked God if it would have been right for me to stay at home instead of driving to His place of worship. I asked several questions as the whole thing kept replaying in my mind. What could i have done differently?
I placed a call to hubby, my anchor...i smile as i write this..cos he truly is! He asked if I was ok, I said yes, he said go and attend service and I’ll meet you. I was like what! He said what did you go to church for…so I went and attended service as an obedient wife that I was and kept getting stares from different angles, a few bold ones asked why I wasn’t looking my usual self, to those I was interested in telling, I explained what happened and everyone was ooing and ahing…so sorry…like that answers my questions or makes me feel any better. But hey, it’s not my friends’ fault; they’re only trying to help!
Hubby came and accessed the damage and met me wailing in the car…everything was just too much for me at that point, he told me to stop crying…he was trying to deal with the issue.. it was obvious we couldn’t move the car out of the church car park where it was pushed that day, we had to wait till Monday.
Well I cried myself to sleep again that night because I was feeling very guilty, we were planning a vacation and it looked like because of the accident, we might not be able to have one anymore. A friend mentioned that I should be grateful but it didn’t register then. On Monday morning, hubby hugged me and told me not to beat myself up about it, I should take responsibility but shouldn’t sink in guilt and that everything will be fine. I felt much better!
The car is at the mechanic’s getting a face lift and I am grateful to God that I wasn’t hurt, the windscreen got broken and I could have hit my head. I am not blaming God, He never promised a life without challenges and although many are the afflictions of the righteous, the Lord delivers him from them all!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A Masterpiece!

My head is so full right now, so many things i could write about, so many thoughts in my head and i'm wondering which of them i want to share. My life is evolving and i am wondering what the master potter wants to do with it...but i know it's something good, something really beautiful because He makes all things beautiful in His time

March i left my job, it was a crazy move but i knew i had to do it for my sanity and i started learning to walk on water, the first few days were tough, i wasn't certain of anything and then i went for a 3 week leadership course in church, got an interview offer with a talk show and voila i applied, under a week i had the job.

It was a pay cut from my last job but it was a step closer to developing my God given gift and although i had mixed feelings about it, i was enthusiastic after all i had applied for the position of a writer...note the word applied! Then i started the job and my role was not just writer, i was to find guests, interview them and write scripts, i didn't mind but it wasn't what i applied for. It was exciting at the same time, meeting people i didn't dream of was exciting, for once i had a job that was 'almost' fun except for my boss'(let's call her A) once in a while rants..which i thought i could deal with, afterall we weren't interfacing with each other much!

It was easy for me to find my guests, i was almost a natural, only had to make a few calls and they were available, writing my scripts wasn't so much of an issue though i kept going to my direct boss(let's call her Z) for help, she liked that...and she always gave me positive comments, i was her best hand of all the new people she hired and stuff like that..

Then we started shooting and i noticed things that made me rethink taking the job. A number of times i wanted to take a walk andgo home, wondering if i left a crappy job to come meet another crap and since i was no longer afraid of leaving a job, looked like it could be the next move. A was temperamental and verbally abuses people, she said things to me i can't recount for no just reason and a lot of people thought it was because she knew i wasn't desperate for the job and also because she knew i had my pride and would not suck up, is that a crime?

Well, i kept telling hubby i might want to leave the job considering the things going on and he kept reminding me of why i took it and that i should think of spending one more season. In a week, i got all my episodes that i worked on scrapped, had to work on new ones afresh and i did a good job of it even if i say so myself...i got some positive comments...

Then we went back to the office and i had this strange feeling that i needed to resign, my heart just wasn't in the job anymore, it wasn't really all i bargained for and not at this age will i receive verbal abuse from i wasn't desperate...they were having meetings..and then we all had a meeting and there was much talk about the coming season, then Z singled me out and said she needed to talk to me. I just knew it wasn't good news

So she said i should take a break from work because i had said i wanted to travel in August and work was going to be evry busy then. The logic was she couldn't tell me not to travel since i was a woman in my own right and no one should toss me around. I faulted her logic in my head immediately and i just knew that was the end of the road for doubts were confirmed! I didn't respond, just said ok, i needed time to process it. You see the organisation has a reputation of a very high staff turnover..

When i told hubby, he said he was sure i wasn't being laid off in a sly manner and even if they wanted me to go, they should come out and say it, i agreed. So i made a call to Z and asked if i decided not to travel anymore, would it still be necessary to take the break? Well to not drag it, by the next morning, she came out with the truth 'we're going to have to let you go'. I felt relieved, cos i knew i achieved something, i pushed her to the wall and it felt good. I'm not someone to walk all over and thanks to my hubby who made me do it..we talked, we strategised and when i told him he was mad. When i asked for a reason, i didn't get anything reasonable, the only thing i could gather was my personality is a problem for A and Z has to do her bidding, just she's a very sly and cunning one...thank God i don't swear..

So i left with my head held high, what am i going to do? My response was a lot! Hubby has always been my anchor, he left work, this was mid day and came to meet me although i had the car..the guy is my anchor, walahi! My life without him would be a mess! So i didn't have a job anymore although i wasn't sure i had it in the first place, i see it more as a contract, we didn't even have a signed contract!

It felt great to know i had support from hubby. The first few days, it sunk in, and it felt horrible, i'd always left my job by myself...and to be relieved of a contract for no just reason was a mess. I think what i felt was more of anger! And then i had to decide what to do...i wasn't going to start writing applications. I was done with that! I had to start walking on water once again! The master had taught me, i only needed to put my hands in his and He would lead me, it was still a bit tough to accept. No income was coming from anywhere, hubby said he didn't mind but how could i depend totally on him? He assured me we'd be fine, not like my salary was so much anyway...

We had this business idea we had been toying with so hubby said it was 'my baby' and i decided to give it a try. How would it be like to be my own boss? I had run a business before but i wondered if i could do it again...then i stepped out...i decided i would run our business and be a writer at my own volition..a freelance writer..

I didn't share it then because i needed to deal with the issues and now i feel like i can...I have put my hands in the master's. He is leading me and i am following, sometimes it's hard not knowing where the next income is coming from but i know He has my back and although i am sowing in tears, i will reap in joy. And my hubby? He has been wonderful, doesn't make me miss working a 9-5...and i honestly don't really miss that life!

He's the potter, i am the clay and He is making me into a masterpiece!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

....Escape continued

By popular demand and a lot of begging (hehehe)'s the continuation of Escape, hope you guys will enjoy reading it. You can find the beginning of the short story here
It's a long one cos i didn't want to break it and risk the likes of LG begging me to update and conclude the story...Have a nice read

My performances in front of the mirror were judged by myself, I couldn't trust anyone to come into my sanctuary. The only person I informed about the audition in my family was my older brother who advised me to be careful. I was a bit disappointed because I expected more from him. A week to the audition, I checked myself in the mirror and the only thing missing was the hairstyle. I had cornrows and was
sure no artist wore them except the old fashioned ones. I begged Sikira to buy me a wig out of the savings I had in my kolo, she almost refused but I gave her a tip. She asked what I needed it for; my response was that she should not bother. She gave me a quizzical look and shrugged. It was none of her business!
I went for the audition under the pretext that I was visiting a friend. When I saw the calibre of people that came for the audition, I knew I stood no chance. Some of them were at least twice my age and really beautiful. They exuded confidence and I felt tiny, I felt lost.
I decided then I should have come with my brother for some encouragement. I sat alone trying to keep my confidence and pretending to read a book I was holding. The
only problem was I had been reading the same line for about an hour and still could not remember what I read. At least, it was better than staring at the experienced ladies.
When I heard my name, my heart jumped out of my chest and I walked to the podium with legs that almost seemed replaced with lead. I was shaking uncontrollably and one of the judges told me to calm down. I took a deep breath, accepted the microphone that was offered and in a few minutes I was pretending to be one of the popular artists that sang on TV. I transported myself to my sanctuary at home where there were no judges but me and sang my song. I noticed as I closed that the judges and my fellow contestants were on their feet clapping for me. I remember one of the judges saying ‘young lady, your voice is bigger than you!’ I smiled as I left the podium knowing I had given my best. Ola was one of the judges and he flashed me a smile as I left, my heart skipped a beat. I saw him whispering to the other judges and I became confident that I would hear my name when the winners were announced.
Two hours later, winners were announced and I heard my name. Three of us were going to join Ola’s group as back up singers. I was ecstatic. My only problem remained how to convince my parents it was a right move but I was determined not to miss the opportunity. This was my chance to become a successful singer and nothing was going to stop me. I headed home and the only thought that ran through my head was how I would tell my parents.
My parents had a habit of listening to the 9pm news on NTA so I sat with them pretending to listen to the news. Immediately the broadcaster finished, it was my turn. I broke the news to my parents and I saw my father’s face go ashen. My mother immediately shouted ‘lailai, over our dead bodies’. My dad’s only words were ‘no daughter of mine will join a music group and that is final’. I went on my knees begging my parents to understand how this was a dream of a lifetime and telling them how much it meant to me. I watched as my father got up and went into their room; my mother also got up and followed him not forgetting to tell me ‘see what you have caused’.
For several days, I woke up everyday to kneel before my father and explain what it meant to me to join the group and promised I would not let him down. I saw my mother soften and try to talk to my father but he had a wall around him that could not be penetrated. After several attempts, I devised a plan to run away from home. I told my brother who advised me against it but he cooperated with me when he found out that my mind was made up.
The day I left home, both my parents were out and my brother escorted me to the hotel where Ola was staying. It was the day he would leave with those of us that were lucky to be chosen. I couldn’t make his performances as I was not allowed. His face broadened into a smile as I entered his hotel room. He looked at me and said ‘I was beginning to think the best of the lot would not show up, what took you so long?’ I was flattered and could not find my voice. After a few minutes and smiling politely, I introduced my brother to him. They chatted for a while and I heard Femi; my brother say: “please take care of my little sister”. Tears rushed to my eyes, what was I doing running away from home? Was I making a mistake? Should I pick up my bag and go back home with my brother? It was not late yet, my parents were not aware and I could go back home and pretend nothing had happened. But on the other hand, this was my opportunity of a lifetime, my claim to fame. I refused to give in to my childish thoughts.
I walked my brother out of the hotel and we embraced. He told me: “Tope, you know it’s not too late for you to change your mind. Are you sure this is right for you?” I held on to him sobbing and told him I would definitely keep in touch when I reached my destination. He knew my mind was made up and told me he would expect to hear from me waving once and not turning back. I watched him leave till I could see no more trace of him, then I walked into my future.
Joining Ola’s band was initially a lot of fun; we travelled a lot, met people, slept in hotels and bought nice things. I sometimes missed my family but I was learning a lot about my career that I pushed it to the back of my mind. Once I settled down, I had called my parents to apologise for disappointing them and that I loved them. My father told me it was ok, I had chosen my own path. My mother said she loved me and if I ever wanted to come home, they would be there waiting for me. Of course there was no going back; this was my claim to fame.
Ola started to pay me more attention than he did the other ladies. After performances, he would ask me to come and sit at the same table with him, telling me how beautiful I looked and how I was the best singer he had. I was flattered. A lot of times I saw the other ladies look at me with jealousy. They would give arms and legs to be his girlfriends and here was I not even trying at all. I was indeed flattered.
Ola wooed me gradually, and the day he asked me to be his wife was a very memorable one. We had been into the relationship almost a year, he treated me with respect, opened the car door for me, bought me nice and expensive gifts and I was the envy of all ladies. He asked me for sex several times but I told him no I wanted us to wait and do it properly on our wedding night, he obliged.
I informed my parents I was getting married and my mother tried to reason with me that I was too young and should give myself time to become more matured. I was nineteen at the time. It was two years after I left home. My father was very displeased with the news but they were at the wedding ceremony all the same. It was a quiet ceremony at a registry with a small reception. Later in the evening though, Ola entertained a lot of his friends in our new home, they made noise and drank too much. I didn’t like it but I couldn’t complain. I knew Ola himself drank a lot but I was head over heels in love.
We went on honeymoon for only a few days as we had performances lined up. When we got back, I prepared myself for the trip and was packing when I heard him say: “what are you doing?” I told him I was getting ready for the trip and he said he wouldn’t want his new bride on the road. I needed to get used to life as a married woman so I should stay behind. He would be back soon he promised. I was sad but I thought he had my interest at heart.
Ola was gone for two whole weeks and boredom became my best companion, my only saving grace were the few novels I bought. I devoured them quickly and watched a lot of Television feeling useless. The past two years of my life had been spent on the road and when we were not performing, we were rehearsing for the next performance. The rest of the time, I was with Ola.
I was ecstatic when he came back. He bought me many gifts and gave me all the attention for the first day. On his second night back, he said he had been invited to a friend’s party, I asked to be taken along and he said no; “a woman’s place is at home”. This shocked me, before we got married, we went everywhere together. I waited for him for several hours and about 12 midnight, he called the house, sounding very incoherent. All I could gather was he was not coming home anymore that night and I could go to bed.
It occurred to me I had made a mistake in marrying him and that I should have stayed with my parents and gone to the University after all. I was not going to tell them we were having any problems though and whenever I spoke to them on the phone, I always lied that things were very fine.
Gradually I found out that Ola did not want me to accompany him on his tours anymore. I was relegated to the home front now, and I could not even go out anymore without seeking his permission. This was not the life I dreamt of; I was supposed to be living in pure bliss with my knight in shining armour and making waves as a singer. When I tried to talk to him about the issues we were having, he told me I was only being stubborn and that if I would just be a dutiful wife and not make complaints, life would be good for us.
I spent many lonely nights, crying into my pillow and begging God to show me a way of escape. Tales of Ola’s randy lifestyle came back to me but I chose not to dwell on them. My whole life since I left home was one big mistake and I was waiting for the day I would be able to make a break and start all over. I was too proud though to ask my parents for help. On the one occasion when they visited, my mum called me aside and tried to find out how things were and I gave her a very fake smile. “Ola is such a good husband”, I lied through my teeth.
I had very few friends who were not allowed to visit, except Ola was not around and we had to make it secret, I was not sure if he had people watching me or not. Out of boredom, I registered for a media course online and whenever he was not around I would settle down to do my assignments. The shipping address I used to get my materials was my friend’s house address and she delivered them to me when I told her it was ok to. The books were kept very safely in the store, hidden in different parts so he would not see them. This was the second year of our marriage and I could count the number of times we had been under the same roof together. My marriage was a prison.
In the third year of our marriage, I got pregnant but miscarried the baby. He was away on a trip and I had to cope with the loss by myself. When he came back, he pampered me a bit and told me we would definitely have another one.
‘Don’t worry yourself my dear, is that why you’re acting like a widow? These things happen. You will have another one. My three sisters, you know the story, they all lost their first pregnancies, look at them now breeding like rats....’’ I tuned my mind off not wanting to listen to his insensitive ramblings.
He made to hug me after delivering his speech but even that felt very cold and he ended up patting me on the back instead. I lost a baby; our fist baby when my husband was away and that was all he could say to me. It made me sad that I wasn’t wise enough to see this side of him before I foolishly gave in to his advances.
It felt as if a part of me died all over’ it died when the baby died but my husband helped to kill it again.
To him, life seemed to be a big joke and nothing apart from keeping me for himself seemed to matter to him. He treated the matter so casually that I wondered for a while if he ever wanted the baby, although I later found out, he only did that to mask his feelings. He wanted the baby more than I did. I found out one night he was drunk.
‘My silly wife, just a child, the only thing I thought she would be good for was baby making and look what happened. She lost the baby. That baby would have been the most important thing to me’. I was shocked at his words because as the Yoruba adage says ‘nkan toti ba ba ninu eyan lo n pa’yan ba’. That was what my husband thought of me. I made up my mind not to get pregnant anymore until I was sure of the direction my life would take. With the help of my friend, I got some birth control pills that I kept safe in my wardrobe.
This was the 5th year of our marriage and I had completed my online media course. There were a few occasions where I was almost found out but providence was on my side and he never was so inquisitive, he only made reference to the fact that my computer was at least a good enough companion when he was not around. I remember on one occasion he snooped behind me and the next thing I knew he was staring into my computer, I was so sure I had been found out and instinctively, my hand found its way to the hibernate button. I was shocked when he treated the matter with such levity. I’m sure he never thought I was capable of doing anything phenomenal.
‘Why are you closing your computer? I wonder what you’re doing on it but it’s ok, you don’t want me to see what it is right?’ Just as soon as he said that, he moved on to another conversation and for once I was very grateful that he was a flighty person.
The idea that I could escape this prison began to brood in my mind and I began to devise the plan. So it was on this day that I called my brother and opened up to him, he told me I should have called earlier and didn’t need to suffer in silence. I told him I needed to be sure the direction my life was taking and that now I was armed for the future with a degree and a will to stand on my own. We agreed he would inform my parents that I was leaving my husband; the jailor and the home I had known for five years. I got a call from my parents the evening I called my brother and I can still remember the conversation.
‘Tope, why did you not tell us all this time? Why? I somehow knew things weren’t right between you and that husband of yours’
By now, I could hear her sniffing, my mother was crying and I was ashamed. Remorse washed over me. I should have listened to my parents and obeyed them. We were both crying now
‘‘I will speak to your brother, we will arrange where you’ll stay once you leave that prison, and we will all stand by you. My mother declared with authority in her voice. Your father is here and he said I should tell you he is not angry with you'’
That made me cry the more; the prodigal daughter was going home to her parents
‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry’, was all I could manage to say on the phone.
For several minutes after I finished making the call, I just sat down there and wept, for the lost years and for what my disobedience had made me go through.
I waited till he went on his next trip; I was more than happy to see him leave. He told me he was going to be away for two weeks and I pretended to be the loving wife who hated to see her husband go. I told him leaving me at home all the time wasn’t fair
‘Ola, you know it’s not fair to just leave me at home all by myself all the time. We’re trying to have a baby, yet you won’t even stay at home, all you do is get on the road and you won’t even take me with you’
He looked at me and didn’t respond to what I said which was typical. I decided to make things hard for him so I sulked for hours. I knew the right card to play was the pregnancy one. I knew how much he longed to have his own children so it was only a matter of time before he responded to me.
‘Ok Tope dear, I know it’s hard to be home alone by yourself all the time, I promise we will go together on my next trip. Even if we’re unable to spend all the time together, we can spend the evenings in our bed’. He winked at me. I felt like grabbing a knife to castrate him. That was the only thing I was good for to him; the idiot! Well, I had achieved my aim; he would never suspect what I was up to.
The evening he travelled, I called my brother and all I told him was ‘it’s time’’ and he understood.
‘‘I’ll meet you in half an hour’’, he said and disconnected the call. My brother had come to town the previous day and was staying in a hotel not too far from our house. We had agreed he would not visit so as not to arouse any form of suspicion. My family members did not visit often. I set to work and finished packing my bags, a routine I had gotten used to in all my married years, I had done it on countless occasions, the only difference this time was that I was actually going through with the plan,.
I sat down watching the clock and hoping my brother would arrive earlier than he said. I was very anxious. What if Ola showed up and said his trip had been cancelled. What if he had sent a spy to me? My mind was in turmoil. Five minutes before my brother said he would arrive; I heard the door bell and ran to the door. God had answered my prayer and my brother was early.
What I saw when I opened the door made my heart skip several beats. Standing at our doorstep was not my brother but Ola’s friend; Joseph. His friends usually came over when he was away but not the next day. I knew he sent them as spies to check on meI but I wasn’t expecting one this early, that was part of the reason, I had planned my escape for the day after his departure.
I greeted Joseph with the best smile I could put up and refused to step aside for him to come into the house. I didn’t like Joseph, he was a very lousy young man and all he did at our place was eat and drink, then drink some more. A lot of times, he and Ola would get drunk together and I would have to clean up after them. We both knew there was no love lost between us.
‘I am sorry Joseph but I can’t entertain a guest now. I’m getting ready to go out’
He gave me a quizzical look
‘Is that the way to welcome your husband’s friend? You want to turn me back at the door?’
I was determined not to let him in as that would only jeopardise my escape. My boxes were already in the living room and it would be obvious to any idiot that I wasn’t taking a vacation, I was leaving for good.
‘What are you doing in the house that you won’t let me in? Oh you are entertaining a boyfriend and you’re afraid I will tell Ola? Well everyday is for the thief, today is for the owner. You will let me in and I will call your husband immediately’
‘No you cannot come in and if you try to touch me, I will scream at the top of my voice’. I knew that would not help much because our house was fenced all around.
I was silently praying that he would leave and that my brother would not come while we were there.
Joseph was not going to budge easily because he stayed rooted there and shouted to his driver to park the car properly. I saw my brother’s car in the driveway and I removed the key from the lock, stepped outside and closed the door. I suppose I was too fast for him to comprehend what was happening.
‘Well the reason I told you I could not entertain you is here; it’s my brother and we plan to go somewhere together’. I was not going to let my brother meet us at the door. I left him at the door shouting at the top of his voice
‘Ola must hear this, you shameless woman, you prostitute’. I got to my brother’s car as he parked and as I stepped in, I commanded him to move the car.
‘What’s going on Tope? Where is your luggage?’ I didn’t answer and he asked no further questions. He just drove.
I explained what happened to him once we got out of the compound. We agreed to stay together all day and delay our plans by a day. My brother checked out of his hotel and we took a room under false names in another part of town since we were not sure if Joseph had carried out his threat and if we were being followed.
Later that night when it was dark, my brother went alone, we agreed it was safer to move my things. I paced the room up and down till I heard his knock on the door. We had agreed he would knock thrice before I opened the door. I hugged him in broke down, tears of joy and relief flowing from my eyes.
We talked into the night about the fateful day he helped me to leave home, the last 5 years of my life and my plans for the future. By 5 am the next morning, we were ready to leave; I stepped into the car, armed with a degree in Media studies and into my real future. My brother drove away and I did not look back.

* kolo – A traditional form of piggy bank for kids
*‘nkan toti ba ba ninu eyan lo n pa’yan ba’- a drunk man’s ramblings will be inspired by the thoughts he has had before

I hope you guys liked the story...please feel free to let me know what you think. Have a fantastic week!

....Escape continued

Friday, August 08, 2008

Back to the Treadmill

Earlier in the year, i made a resolve to join a gym and go thrice a week, i had moved from a size 8 to a 10 and didn't want to go any further than that, some flabs were beginning to appear in the wrong places..i had to keep in shape so i registered, even got hubby to go with me a few times, trust me that was a huge achievement, lol. This was about the time i left my job so i had no reason not to go, i started out with a lot of enthusiasm, i loved working out so much i would never drop out!
My gym instructor was very impressed with me, i was very consistent and even lost 2kg, dropping from 65 to 63 kg in less than two weeks, i was happy with my achievement, my target was to go back to 60kg and stay there and keep fit..then i started a training program and it became hard to go to the gym although i finished in the early afternoons. I had sound excuses not to go and workout.
For a while, i maintained a lazy routine at home and kept promising myself i would go to the gym tomorrow or the day after, good thing is tomorrow never, all you procrastinators (i have a right to form my own English words seeing that Soyinka is one of my mentors) in the house, please nod your heads with me!
Then i got an assignment somewhere on the Island and stayed out till like 7pm most days..there went my gym resolve, out of the window! No more gym, it was a nice plan, it just wasn't convenient anymore, being busy helped my wwight remain constant but i had reneged on my resolve even on weekends...then gradually i let go of my routine at home and i was no longer exercising...i was back to my 65kg!
A few days ago, here i am months after leaving my last assignment and working from home, i took a look at my tummy and i didn't really like what i saw, looked like the onset of a bump, now that would be fantastic if i was pregnant but as my normal tummy, it's not really allowed so i started doing sit ups at home and hubby laughed at me asking me what happened to my plans to go to the gym. He reminded me of how he complimented me when i was going religiously and how i looked trim. I felt bad and took it as a challenge and i took the car keys, put on my trainers and off i went to they gym.
I hope i can keep it up...will maybe give you the details of the gym escapades later, though nothing interesting really there except for miss i'm sexy, i wear make up to the gym and i call the instructor every two minutes!
How many times have we started out on something that seems to be a very good plan, starting with a lot of zeal and passion and then weeks or months down the line, we get tired, or we meet some obstacles and we throw in the towel. Good intentions are never enough, what you do with the good intentions or what you keep doing with the good intentions is what matters. I'l throw this question to you, what will you do with what you know to do in the face of contrary circumstances? Would you just let go of your belief or would you press on and consistently do what you believe?

Anyway, enough about my gyming experience and philosophising...i'm working on a short story and want to give you guys a sneak peek into it, let's title it Escape...
Curtains open..reveal characters...

I woke up to plan my escape from a prison, not a typical kind of jail but a prison all the same. My husband or whoever he is to me went on a music tour and didn’t take me along. He is a musician, and I joined him as a back up singer out of admiration. He took a special liking to me out of all his singers and I felt privileged. I was too naive to differentiate between love and lust or the desire of a man to acquire a woman as his personal belonging.
I come from a very conservative home. My father was a director in the civil service while my mother was a primary school teacher. They had great plans for me; I was going to the higher institution to study Economics or Accounting after which I would graduate and do them proud.
Ola came to Ilu tuntun, the small city where we lived, on a performance tour and the organisation that brought him to our city called for auditions of young talents. He had given them the mandate to do so. I went to audition without my parents’ knowledge. I was only seventeen but I was wiser than my parents or so I thought. I knew if they found out, they would be disappointed that I did not mention it to them but I was also sure that they would frown at the idea. I registered for the audition and began preparing myself for my debut performance. I had a dress I wanted to wear in mind; the one that mother bought for me last Christmas. Everyone complimented me when I wore it and all the young boys around my area wanted to court me.
I would lock the door, dress up, and sing in front of the mirror, trying to imitate the artists I so much admired and watched on the TV all the time. Most days I would watch them and imagine myself on the stage instead of them. I was enchanted. Mother never allowed me to watch them until I turned sixteen and finished my Secondary education.
I had a secret admiration for them and a few times when I attempted to tell Mother how I would love to be like them. She would shake her head and say 'Tope, you will not become a harlot, not while your father and I are alive. No child of mine will be a singer, God forbid!’ She would snap her fingers over her head in the usual Yoruba fashion.
I decided not to talk to her about it anymore. She was too old fashioned anyway and I was convinced all artists could not be women of easy virtue. Sikira, our house maid suffered for it though as I perpetually bore her with tales of how I would one day become a star and sing all over the world and how I would then tell my mother not all musicians were loose people.....
(to be continued maybe..hehehe)

Friday, August 01, 2008

All I'll Ever Need- Point of Grace

I got tagged by Taureen minx, i take it to mean i was tagged because she tagged anyone that wants to do this. Lol, it’s fun, and i think i cheated on one, i don’t have to tell you which one o
MEME Rules

1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

Here we go


Beautiful Saviour- Darlene Zcech
I let the saviour lead things are ok

Silent Night-Yolanda Adams

I don’t know how to interprete this jo!

Be Without You- Mary J Blige
Erm ok, i cant be without the man in my life!

I Need You- Marc Anthony
I need the Lord, i need my hubby...erm yah

Breath of God- Point of Grace
My life’s purpose is for the breath of God to fill my life, every one of my moves and steps

See mi So- 2 Face
I'm sure they think that God has blessed me and blessed them with me! conceited!

You Are My All in All- Point of Grace
My parents are my treasure...after God and hubby , they’re all in all...there was a point in my life that they were my all in all sef, like when i was a

Careless Whisper- Dave Coz
Loyalty to the people i love!

WHAT IS 2+2?
Gringo – Akon
I don’t even know the song o, 2+2 is 4 jare..or ..i don’t know

Happy People- R Kelly.
When i think of my best friends, i am happy and thoughts of them sometimes...mark the word sometimes..want to make me dance..

Promise of Prayers- Point of Grace
I always have my hubby covered, i’m sure he can count on me. I will always be a friend

Nothing For You- Lagbaja
Before hubby, there was nothing for any of the guys that came my way

When U Cry- TOK
This song i don’t even know. Am i allowed to cheat and go to the next song. Yes i will, who made the rules sef? Oh ok, it’s saying Lord help me, when you cry i cry...i know the song o...Ok,,i want to be a pillar of support to people who are close to me, smiling when they smile and crying with them when they need me to. I want people to be able to look up to me. And i want the father to always help me

My heart is set on you- Point of Grace
Of course he knows my heart always belongs to him, no space for anyone other love will do!

Give Thanks- Don Moen
I think my parents will always give thanks when they remember me. And oh yes my name even testifies to that!

If Love Is A Crime- 2Face Idibia
I don’t know if this can be a wedding song, I definitely din’t dance to this on my wedding day but still everytime that i look into his eyes.....fill in the gap

Shout to the Lord- Darlene Zschech
Yes o there is none like the Lord, i will be with him so they can as well worship Him on my behalf after i have lived a good, godly and full life

More Love More Power- Michael W Smith
Hmmm i always want to show someone love anyways

Promise- Darlene Zschech
My biggest secret...running into God arms when i think i have fallen out of grace, weeping my eyes out in His presence and telling Him to meet my needs

Spirit- R Kelly
The Spirit leads us and brings us together...He guides us together

All I’ll Ever Need- Point of Grace
Yes o God is all I’ll ever need!

I had a lot of fun doing this!
I’m not tagging anyone because i think almost everyone has done it! Except me of course!

A real post will follow this soon..feeling lazy at the moment and i think i am battling with flu...will soon go sleep my eyes out! Cheers