Thursday, June 14, 2007

The thoughts in my head

I have so many thoughts going on in my head these days that i sometimes feel as if i would explode with them. If my head had a typewriter built in and a printer attached, i think i would have spun thousands of pages in the past few days.

The first set of thoughts is the state if dissatisfaction i am in. I am wanting MORE and my head is always screaming it that i wonder if that's really ok. I'm not unhappy about where i am but i need more.

I think that's the way human beings are designed, we always want to progress and leave where we are.

When i was single and living alone, i wanted to get married and live with my man, then i got married and we started living under the same roof. And then work stepped in and took hubby away. So it happened that we became weekend husband and wife, phone bills increased (thank God for free airtime from my office).Then another desire stepped in, i want hubby back! Or i want to live where he is whichever way that will happen. It has become an all consuming desire, it's in my prayers, in my thoughts and my petitions.

Then, i am starting to want another job badly! I am so tired of this one, sometimes i just feel like sitting at home instead of coming to work but it pays the bills. I want to move from this mountain which i have been on for almost two years...Before now, i was kinda content but now i almost can't wait to get out. Maybe what i actually want is not really another job, maybe i just want a better expression of my talent and gifts, maybe i don't want another 9-5 or a shift job..So many maybes

It's also not helping that i am only six months married and everywhere i turn, there are questions about pregnancy. Can't people just leave other people alone? Will they train the child for us when we bring it into the world? Or will they help carry the pregnancy? Or is marriage just for child bearing? Well, that's a story for another day?

These are things that have me awake late in the night, thoughts that are plaguing and will not leave me alone. The loneliness is not helping, it makes me think more...

There are so many things i want that look very faraway....

Well, that's where i was a few days ago when i typed this, not that things have changed physically but update on my next blog

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