Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Lifemate or Baby
I had an interesting discussion with a friend a few days back which inspired some thoughts that i'd like to share. We were talking about a couple going through some challenges in their marriage and it sent me down the thought path as usual. Speaking of challenges in marriage, it seems a lot of people are having it really rough and wearing plastic smiles to cover it up. I hear a lot of stories these days and i can't but be thankful for what hubby and i share.
Ok so we were talking about kids and how for some people, that seems to be the only thing keeping their marriage going. All their discussions and time together is spent either taking care of the kids or talking to each other about the kids. It amazes me how a couple who used to be so in love can almost become strangers to each other. What they were quick to overlook before or forgive become an unpardonable sin! What was the attraction then becomes a note of repulsion.
We have a culture that celebrates mediocrity and that does not pay attention to the most important things. A couple who has been married ten years and are obviously in love are a failure because they have no child yet but a school drop out who is a single parent (don't get me wrong, i am not castigating single parents) or a forced second wife is a woman and has more respect because of a child. I feel like swearing...*hiss*. I digress a bit but is this the most important thing?
I have seen how many women have kids and it's as if everything including their husbands just fall into last place. The only thing that matters becomes the kids and this definitely creates a rift between the man and the woman. Some men will complain and if no changes made, eventually seek solace outside the home or some will just bear the pain alone and wonder if it would be selfish to demand attention from their wives considering they have a baby at hand.
I know it can't be easy and i haven't done it before so pardon me if i am not talking from experience but some things just require common sense. It must be a tough call but one that every woman who wants a loving and lasting relationship needs to take. Hubby and i will have enough children, as much as we like but they are secondary to our relationship, not that i don't intend to take care of my kids but not at the detriment of our relationship. Children will leave the nest and then what will be left?
I will always remember how i fell in love, how i was swept off my feet, i will always remember what being naive and being in love is like and i will always remember the times my husband and i have spent together. They are memories to cherish and give me something to look forward to. So is it worth jeopardising this for kids who will eventually have their own lives???
Maybe if a lot of women have at the back of their minds that they are only wards over their children and the kids are not their property, it might bring things in perspective and let us hold on to what is important! I hear a lot about how marriage is not worth it without children and yada yada. I beg to differ, i would rather have a loving marriage with no kids than have a loveless marriage with many children. And thank God i don't even have to choose. I will have both!
So my question is this what would you rather have? Would you rather have a baby or loving relationship? Or to rephrase, which should take priority? A baby or one's partner? Would love to hear your responses!
Posted by Writefreak at 8:26 AM