Recently i have been going through some re-assessment and deciding what my next move is, a lot of changes will be happening in my life soon and i wanted to make sure that i'm prepared..will unfold the changes in bits...chief is that we'll be moving to another city..Part of the things i came up with is that i have been so bored and while i am doing business, it doesn't always occupy my time so i thought it might be nice to get a job even if it's part time while i write and run my business (which isn't bringing in so much money yet)...
You know those times we wonder if our lives have had any meaning recently..if we're really doing anything worthwhile and what we can do to change things..that's where i've been. Well in my typical fashion (that is changing now, i have promised myself)..i decided to talk to a friend who was in the process of giving me some business to do about it.. how i have been thinking and how i want to get a job when we move bla bla. You know, i just felt like i could be doing more and that there's more to me than the WF that wakes up now..
So i decided to talk to my friend on IM and the next thing she typed to me was ''you know your problem? you're lazy!'' Wow...where did that come from? All i wanted to say evaporated, this was an assessment of me i'd not heard before..then i turned to my hubby and asked him ''do you think i'm lazy?'..He was like 'no, i don't think so at all', his answer satisfied me but i thought 'ok he's my husband and won't want to hurt me'. So i sent aloted a text 'do you think i'm lazy?'She also didn't think i am. So where is this assessment coming from?
I asked my friend while we were still chatting and she said she'd talk to me about it later, what qualifies me as lazy, i wanted to know. I let her know though that i was not happy with her. Is it the fact that i left my job to see if i could hold my own in this society and make something out of a business, or is it the fact that i graduated with a 2:1? is it the fact that i am a writer who is yet to get published? Is it the fact that i don't have the dream job right now? So many thoughts raced through my head and it was a very demoralising day for me. I told my hubby,if i had the ideal job even if i didn't like it, had an official car and a driver although i didn't do anything all day, would i be termed as lazy?
Her hubby and i talked about it later in the day and guess what, my friend was upset with me for being upset about what she said. She was trying to push me she said as she knows i can be better than this. Did she have the right approach...i doubt it. She threw me into self doubt for a whole day and what was supposed to be a chat between two friends turned into a quarrel that their husbands had to get involved in, we're all family friends.
Well, we sort of resolved the issue but i had to deal with it on my own. This is not about my friend and anything she said to me, this is about me! I am not lazy, that i am sure of and what my friend or anyone says about me does not define who i am. What defines who i am is what God says about me and what i say about myself.
I might nto be at my destination yet, i might have missed it a number or times, i might have made some wrong decisions but i am a work in progress and i will get there, God willing! I am on my way to my destination and i will get there!!!
So how do you define yourself? I for a moment there allowed what a friend said about me to define me. We need to know who we really are, hold on to that and go back to check it when contrary situations come our way
Have a nice weekend everyone!