Friday, December 19, 2008

When should i give?

I'm a bit confused as per what circumstances one should give people money. I deliberately don't give beggars money, i don't believe in it cos a lot of them are actually ok and fit enough to work, i'd rather give someone i know who is ready to work and actually struggling to make a living than just open my purse and dash everyone who begs on the street money.

I remember i became tougher on this issue when one Sunday in my church a lady approached me with 2 children in hand and said she needed transport fare to get she and her children home from church. I immediately pitied her and asked where she lived, asked how much would get her there and even added extra. I walked away and came back to meet this woman telling someone else the same story. Apparently this was her source of income, i felt used and since then i would always direct any such people to the welfare department in church. They give stuff after service on sundays. This was about 3 years ago, will it be surprising to say i still saw the same woman a few weeks back, still holding two children and doing the same trade-begging. Why would an able bodied woman use such tactics to extort money from people? It's beyond me.

There's also this guy who has told my hubby this same 'i need transport fare' story in church almost every sunday for over a year. He makes a point of sending him to the welfare department like me. I wonder if the guy doesn't remember his face cos he asks him every Sunday and gets the same response.

So we recently moved into a new place where the security guys and gardener are paid by the tenants. I have given them a tip once in a while when i send them to do stuff and maybe that has made them bold i wonder. A few days ago, the two security guys were both talking about how they were expected to send money to their folks back in the village, even the younger looking of both of them said he was married and had a son, i was like wow. They jokingly said 'aunty make una help us o' and i responded by saying God will help us all.

A few days later, i heard the door bell early in the morning, i was home alone and wasn't expecting anybody only for me to open the door and it was one of the security guys. I asked what he wanted, he said they were suffering and even money to eat was a problem and he wanted to ask me to give them anything i could. I thought that was really bold of him. He complained they were only paid half salary for last month, i just moved into the house this month and i don't know how true this is. He earns 15 grand a month. Unfortunately for him, i had no cash in the house and i told him so. I asked if he wanted food stuff as i could give him that but he said no, he wanted money. E gba mi o (help me)

So i was wondering, is this right? I have given them stuff a few times though i haven't lived in the house too long. I try to extend a geneours hand to people who work around me and i know are in need but is it right for my security guy to knock on my door like that? I just wonder

What he did has really turned me off to be honest and i almost find it difficult to give them anything now, what do you guys think?


LG said...

CHAI' dat woman nid serious koboko but seriously i hadly give d socalled beggars UNLESS i am moved ie by the SPIRIT cos most of dem tho able bodied are LAZY '
as per the maigaurdi(s)' tel oga b4 u assits dem' make u nor go involve ursef 4 wetin u nor sabi'


Writefreak said...

@ LG
i tell you my sister, i felt like beating her up...lazy ass..
yes i don tell oga o, he will handle them..
no worry i will send your shiken...wait o, to which address sef?

How you dey do xmas?

Writefreak said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rayo said...

if this guy says he is suffering and hungry yet he wont take foodstuff, i think he's lying. there are a lot of people who exploit others' generosity and i think if u can its better not to give cash. foodstuff, yes, clothing, yes but not cash.

Jaycee said...

This is a tricky situation. On one hand, we are meant to give to those who are less opportuned than we are. But then on the other hand, some of these people are cheats and tricksters.

What to do? Be led by the Spirit of God. Every circumstance is different.

Tyger said...

he is suffering and eating is a problem but he wont take food stuff abi?

he should get lost

simeone said...

exactly jaycee..u get to know the real from the fake most for me as long as i hav moni..i hav the tendency to giv..and wen i'm not in a jolly mood..nobody's gettin nada...
but the security guy went too far..and its cos of the first impression u gave them ..which is fine..but he just messed everything up for himself..

Anonymous said...

Uhhhm I honestly dont know how that works. Here in the states, the homeless people sometimes buy alcohol with the money they given. I guess just go with your guts. Happpy Merry Christmas!

Good Naija Girl said...

First off, it's sad that those people are doing that at church. I mean goodness: can't they be honest on Sunday at least?

Hmm, I think you should give when you feel led to, and don't let anyone make you feel as if you have to. I honestly feel like the security guard proved he was lying by not accepting your offer of food, and that sort of deceit is just bad.

Please be careful about opening your door to such people...he sort of makes me uneasy.

Merry Christmas to you! :)

Mineexclusively said...

Welcome to Nigeria!

Writefreak said...

@ rayo
i get your point. i honestly felt like i was being taken advantage off...i'm definitely going to limit giving them cash to the barest minimum

i do agree with that, afterall as many as are led by the spirit of God are the sons (and daughters) of God

lol...babe calm down now...i've heard

i have found out a lot of people exploit your goodness around here but i suppose being led by God's spirit makes you know who and who not to give to

@good naija girl
it beats me too..last year my new Nokia N73 phone was stolen just a few weeks after hubby gave me as a birthday present and yes it was stolen in church! Some people just don't fear God!

Thanks for your concern, it worried me too when he was at the door, from now, i identify the caller before opening the door once i hear the bell

yes naija! our country with great potentials

Afrobabe said...

The security men issue is very dicey and has to be handled with care..

on one hand they guard they can arrange thieves so we no want vex them but on the other hand they want to use you...I think you should stick to giving them food stuff...let them get used to.."that woman that only gives food with a nice smile"..

As for road side beggers I only give the seriously disabled ones...I had a particular one I gave money on my way to work almost everyday at oshodi express road..til one day I didnt have, the guy apparently now knew where I seat on the staff bus and came banging the side...babes, na the last time wey I give am be that oh....the thing come be like duty..

kai, this comment long oh...

LG said...

no problem' jus send it to :)

In my head and around me said...

Ah, this topic. I have been meaning to do a post on it. Maybe I still will. I agree with Afrobabe about being careful with security guards as well as offering only food.

You should give when yiur heart tells you is right. Anything else is eye service as far as I am concerned.

What gets to me with this people is that they believe they are owed something. E.g, there was this security guard in my former office who was a was so annoying. Every holiday came with felicitations. I think the most annoying one was during val's day '08 he wished me a Happy Valentine's Day and asked me to "do val's day" for him.

StandTall-The Activist said...

To tell you what, I follow my heart when comes to given alms these days.

The secnerio here is so common of women with kids begging in the name of transportation. Some will even ask for X amount. I am not better than them but they need not have thses kids when they know they cant care for them. In fact, the kids beg too

I rarely give beggars money these days...

About the security guy, give what u can afford now and learnt to say sorry o "pepper no res" later b4 they collect all your money finish

StandTall-The Activist said...

I honestly think you shd follow your heart in this matter. I rarely give beggars money these days. Especially those begging for transportation with kids. They seem to have association in Oshodi and Agege of Lagos. they shdn't turn these kids to beggars too. And I hope they wont keep having kids they cant care for

I do know there are times so pple trully get stranded like it has happened to me b4. May God give us the wisdom to dicern the truth in this matter

Writefreak said...

@ LG
lol at your email address, i'll send it to you...hehehe...just sit by your laptop and keep there you go old...lmao

Yeah you should still do the at the security day asking you to celebrate val's day for him. I think they see it as their entitlement

that's it, God should give us the grace to discern who is genuine cos sometimes pple get genuinely stranded...but not like these security guys of

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately so. Worse still are those whom tips are given and actually believe 'tis their right.

aloted said...

nawa o

i am with Jaycee's and Afrobabe's suggestions.

i no fit shout

Buttercup said...

i just feel we shud give if we DO have..God will bless our efforts definitely..

Osondu Nnamdi Awaraka said...

I always worry about being used when people ask me for do you sort lies from true need. Don't stop giving just try (as hard as it is) to discern true need. Someone who truly needs help, doesn't usually walk up to you two armed and two legged...

Osondu Nnamdi Awaraka said...

I always wonder if i'm being conned everytime i'm approached for help by some of these beggars. There are people who are truly needy and frankly, I don't think most of them are the ones we see around...Truly needy people shouldn't walk up to you with two arms and two legs, looking okay and still asking for help.

Whatever happened to struggling and stuff...I don't mean to sound harsh oh. Some of these beggars i hear, make a lot of money. Even though it will be difficult, i think we all have to used discernment before parting with hard earned cash.

As for the gate man, he's not needy. A lot of people earn half of what he does.

Anonymous said...

I think the answer lies in what everyone has said. I don't think there is an absolute answer to this so i always treat things like that on a case by case basis. Trust the power on the inside of you and make your decisions based on that.

Anonymous said...

....when your spirit says, 'hold not back.'