My head is so full right now, so many things i could write about, so many thoughts in my head and i'm wondering which of them i want to share. My life is evolving and i am wondering what the master potter wants to do with it...but i know it's something good, something really beautiful because He makes all things beautiful in His time
March i left my job, it was a crazy move but i knew i had to do it for my sanity and i started learning to walk on water, the first few days were tough, i wasn't certain of anything and then i went for a 3 week leadership course in church, got an interview offer with a talk show and voila i applied, under a week i had the job.
It was a pay cut from my last job but it was a step closer to developing my God given gift and although i had mixed feelings about it, i was enthusiastic after all i had applied for the position of a writer...note the word applied! Then i started the job and my role was not just writer, i was to find guests, interview them and write scripts, i didn't mind but it wasn't what i applied for. It was exciting at the same time, meeting people i didn't dream of meeting..it was exciting, for once i had a job that was 'almost' fun except for my boss'(let's call her A) once in a while rants..which i thought i could deal with, afterall we weren't interfacing with each other much!
It was easy for me to find my guests, i was almost a natural, only had to make a few calls and they were available, writing my scripts wasn't so much of an issue though i kept going to my direct boss(let's call her Z) for help, she liked that...and she always gave me positive comments, i was her best hand of all the new people she hired and stuff like that..
Then we started shooting and i noticed things that made me rethink taking the job. A number of times i wanted to take a walk andgo home, wondering if i left a crappy job to come meet another crap and since i was no longer afraid of leaving a job, looked like it could be the next move. A was temperamental and verbally abuses people, she said things to me i can't recount for no just reason and a lot of people thought it was because she knew i wasn't desperate for the job and also because she knew i had my pride and would not suck up, is that a crime?
Well, i kept telling hubby i might want to leave the job considering the things going on and he kept reminding me of why i took it and that i should think of spending one more season. In a week, i got all my episodes that i worked on scrapped, had to work on new ones afresh and i did a good job of it even if i say so myself...i got some positive comments...
Then we went back to the office and i had this strange feeling that i needed to resign, my heart just wasn't in the job anymore, it wasn't really all i bargained for and not at this age will i receive verbal abuse from anyone..no i wasn't desperate...they were having meetings..and then we all had a meeting and there was much talk about the coming season, then Z singled me out and said she needed to talk to me. I just knew it wasn't good news
So she said i should take a break from work because i had said i wanted to travel in August and work was going to be evry busy then. The logic was she couldn't tell me not to travel since i was a woman in my own right and no one should toss me around. I faulted her logic in my head immediately and i just knew that was the end of the road for us...my doubts were confirmed! I didn't respond, just said ok, i needed time to process it. You see the organisation has a reputation of a very high staff turnover..
When i told hubby, he said he was sure i wasn't being laid off in a sly manner and even if they wanted me to go, they should come out and say it, i agreed. So i made a call to Z and asked if i decided not to travel anymore, would it still be necessary to take the break? Well to not drag it, by the next morning, she came out with the truth 'we're going to have to let you go'. I felt relieved, cos i knew i achieved something, i pushed her to the wall and it felt good. I'm not someone to walk all over and thanks to my hubby who made me do it..we talked, we strategised and when i told him he was mad. When i asked for a reason, i didn't get anything reasonable, the only thing i could gather was my personality is a problem for A and Z has to do her bidding, just she's a very sly and cunning one...thank God i don't swear..
So i left with my head held high, what am i going to do? My response was a lot! Hubby has always been my anchor, he left work, this was mid day and came to meet me although i had the car..the guy is my anchor, walahi! My life without him would be a mess! So i didn't have a job anymore although i wasn't sure i had it in the first place, i see it more as a contract, we didn't even have a signed contract!
It felt great to know i had support from hubby. The first few days, it sunk in, and it felt horrible, i'd always left my job by myself...and to be relieved of a contract for no just reason was a mess. I think what i felt was more of anger! And then i had to decide what to do...i wasn't going to start writing applications. I was done with that! I had to start walking on water once again! The master had taught me, i only needed to put my hands in his and He would lead me, it was still a bit tough to accept. No income was coming from anywhere, hubby said he didn't mind but how could i depend totally on him? He assured me we'd be fine, not like my salary was so much anyway...
We had this business idea we had been toying with so hubby said it was 'my baby' and i decided to give it a try. How would it be like to be my own boss? I had run a business before but i wondered if i could do it again...then i stepped out...i decided i would run our business and be a writer at my own volition..a freelance writer..
I didn't share it then because i needed to deal with the issues and now i feel like i can...I have put my hands in the master's. He is leading me and i am following, sometimes it's hard not knowing where the next income is coming from but i know He has my back and although i am sowing in tears, i will reap in joy. And my hubby? He has been wonderful, doesn't make me miss working a 9-5...and i honestly don't really miss that life!
He's the potter, i am the clay and He is making me into a masterpiece!