Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Thankful Wednesday + the moving out question.

It's another Wednesday, another day to be thankful to God. As always I have soooo MANY reasons to be thankful.

I decided since i haven't posted in a while, this is not only going to be a thankful post....

I'm grateful for the gift of life. It's the 2nd of September, the year is flying by so fast and through the months my family, friends and i have been preserved, long life is a convenant and I thank God that He is fulfilling His part of it.

I'm thankful for a revelation of God's word and my rights in Christ Jesus. Often times, we Christians allow things in our lives, things that shouldn't be there. I'm learning to check what God's word says about a situation afresh and declaring it over that situation. Thank you Lord

I'm thankful for a loving husband and a good marriage..
I'm thankful for good and godly friends...
I'm thankful for open doors...i didn't even need to knock on some...
I'm thankful for letting God use me as a vessel...
I'm thankful for my aburo Temite, the time she spent her and her safe journey back. My sister also travelled several hours by road and she got safely to her destination.
So much to thank God for,what are you thankful for?

So i have a question for you guys...

Is it ok for a woman well over 30 to still live with her parents and have to live there because her father will not hear of her moving out on her own at her age? Is it even ok at all for a 36 year old woman to still live with her parents?

I find this hard to relate to because i left home when i was 22 and i lived on my own from then till i got married. No, my parents don't live in the West, they live here in Nigeria. I was moving to a different city though, they raised some dust initially but we came to an agreement and they let me be.

We had this argument in my house some weeks back, some friends were present and they thought it was ok for a woman to live with her parents no matter how old she is if she is unmarried. So even if she is 40 and marriage is not on the horizon, she should live with her parents?

They said our culture does not allow for a woman to live on her own and it's almost a taboo. I remember my Grandma said it was irresponsible for a single lady to live on her own but hey i proved them all wrong. I don't think it's a good thing to think a woman should be dependent on her parents while a man is allowed to spread his wings and fly.

I understand that there are different roles men and women play in the society and the family but i also think when it gets to a certain age, it becomes control when your parents can still tell you what to do and how to live your life. Heck at 36, your father still dictates how you live your life.

I'm of the opinion that living alone matures you, it helps you gain some level of independence and maturity you might not otherwise have gained. I think when it gets to a certain age, if a parent cannot trust their kids to make the right decisions, then they have failed in their roles as stewards over them.

Lemme not talk too much, would love to hear what you guys think about this.

Hope you guys have had a fabulous week so far. Happy midweek!

42 comments:

Gee said...

hahahahahah
first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gee said...

whoo hooo...ok lemme go nd read now!
I love thankful posts..lol..
nd oh yh,

E-sermon is finally up on my blog, go nd be a part of it!

Gee said...

Yup, I am soooo thankful for GOOD&GODLY friends too...
hmmm 36 in my fathers house...kain, its not my portion in Jesus name o.lol.
Well for me, the way I vision my life by 36 i shuld be done with child bearing, dat means I will have a husband and we will both have a house....
so nope, I cant imagine me at 36 in my fathers house.
ok wat if i am not married(GOD 4BID OOOO!), still by 36 I shuld be making good money to get a house for myself and be able to learn to live on my own...it is an act of responsiblity for me sha...
nd a father..not wanting his child to move out??hmmmm dat one is one kind o, i wont even lie...it is just odd!

Sassy Trends said...

Hmnn... well I dont think it's right to be 36+ and still be living under your parents roof, dem for even dey show you torture though might not be intentionally sha...
It is a good thing to live a life free frm attachment here and there and have an Independent mindset, it goes a long way.

FFF said...

a woman living wit her parents make absolutely no sense to me, unless she is looking to save expenses. maybe her job doesn't pay her enough to afford an apartment on her own. other than that, chick should get off her butt & leave dat nest behind!!!!!!!!

got a lot to thank God for. Too many i can't even begin to list them all right now.

how r u, sista. was trying to get ur attention on yahoo chat d other day, but got no response from u. am not often online or even available wen am online, so if i've been silent, na d thing dey cause am. hope u r all good. have a blessed day!

Uzezi said...

im happy and thankful to God for preserving ur life.

as for moving out, i am for it 100%. Being under your parents roof does not determine how responsible u become and i agree that being alone matures you.
haba. how can i just move out of my parents house directly to husband's house? Give me speace to breathe jo.

downtheaisle said...

At 36 single, and well paid...your parent's house is not an option. In a Nigerian setting, the pressures of marriage should drive you out without thinking twice.

writefreak, how u doing?

sunnyside said...

Am thankful 4 a new day,a new chance to make a difference.

I cant wait to leave my parents house, what ll i be waiting 4 til 30.
Women should
learn to do better married or not

ttlolla said...

I don't think a 30 yr old should be at home, shouldn't she be out there creating a future for herself? Rather than waiting for daddy's approval

Nefertiti said...

I don't consider this an option unless there were some phsiological challenges like mental retardation, or maybe she cannot afford it.

Nefertiti said...

Oh and I'm thankful for you sis, becos u keep me from slipping, and even tho u don't know it, I feel accountable to you sometimes. lol. I guess ur character on the 'in my dreams...' series fits u to a T ;)

For the love of me said...

I am thankful in faith for 24hr power in Nigeria.

I really don't know how people that live with their parents after 25 survive. Been out of there since I was 17(I am counting university days)and hardly ever spend more than ten days with my folks, my mum would just drive me nuts. That is not to say we don't agree, we are actually the best of friends but when you become a woman or a man, marriage or no marriage, you really should be independent.
That said, I understand how difficult it can be to move out from your parents place to another flat in same city.

Myne Whitman said...

I thank God too.

From my exp it's almost taboo for any pikin to leave house both male and female without proper reason like new city, work constraints, marriage etc. I left home for my youth service and never returned to my parents city. They raised dust. My bros finished NYSC and got a job based in same city as my folks. He didn't want to stay in the House. They raised dust.

Anyway as children we should know what we want and go for it. Those that feel comfy staying home should enjoy. Those up to leaving should fly too. You have to bear in mind that not all have the financial capacity to take independent decisions. You can't possibly ask the oldies for money to go rent room elsewhere in the city just so to show maturity?

Geebee said...

I’m thankful for a new month. Can’t believe we’re in the ‘ember months once again.

Have you any wool said...

I am thankful to God for making me his favorite child.

the issue of when to move out has been on my mind lately, especially when i watch nollywood and see all these 30 year olds fighting for space and property with their parents. It makes me wonder if younger people are not coming up for audition or maybe people that big really still live in their parents houses.

Maybe people are really affected by what they watch on tv, as for me, and i am moving out after my NYSC.

Chari said...

Aunty mi this one pass me oh!

temmy tayo said...

Still at home at over 30? Nah...too much trouble for everybody involved.

Temite said...

Anti mine....My one and only. the only chocolate in my coffee....the only water in my bitterleaf soup....the only gala I like, the only chinchin breaking my teeth.....I hail you o. Lmao....Sleep deprivation is doing a huge number on me mennnn...
How is my fav bros?
errr what was I going to say anyways.....I MISSET THOU DIE MEN!!!
36 in ur fathers house, odikwa risky o (what does that mean anyways?). God forbid bad things.....
Am I the Godly friend you refer too? hehehehehe XOXOXOXOXOOXOXO

Kafo said...

this one is simple, unless there is something physical or financial that prevents her from living alone
SHE SHOULD MOVE OUT ASAP

Enkay said...

We thank God for all His mercies!

36 and still living with your parents?
Mehn, not ideal at all! So what if you never get married?

All this talk of the culture not allowing women live alone is so outdated. Except of course the lady in question has no calms with staying put, then by all means let her remain their 'litte girl' for life.

Dee! said...

Thank God for EVERTHING!

At 36?! A WOMAN is still staying with her folks?! Where is her sense of independence?! Haba! I take it she is unmarried too. How does she entertain her guests, especially her male guests? This one pass me o!

She needs to act fast and move out ASAP!

jhazmyn said...

I'm thankful for God promises that always come to pass.

As for 30-36 and still living with parents...well, to me that's a personal issue really cos it might be for several reasons...anyways, that's not an option at all for me not now, not ever

aloted said...

Thank God for his mercies endures forever

To your question...for me...especially in the Naija context..you have to define what living alone means. If it means living alone with no housemate..I am not in support...cuz of the culture issues..and cases of rape and theft. But if its sharing a flat with a friend or two then no problem.

Also for me sha...if i wasn't married at age 30 or watever and I was living in the same town with my parents..omo i won't mind staying in their BQ o...means I will be saving a lot of money (of cuz i will contribute to expenses in the house)..and if/when their wahala becomes to much I will move out...simples

I agree that parents should trust their children to make their own decisions.

justdoyin said...

I rejoice with u for all ur thankful points, and I'm also thankful to God for EVERYTHING...

To ur question...hmmmmmm...I really think it depends on several factors, key amongst which should be what the woman in question WANTS for herself...if she wants to remain in her parents home, fine...if she wants to move house, fine...I don't think she should be dictated to at that age, besides, marriage does NOT a woman make...so, I say, the choice is really hers to make.

Lolia said...

I'm thankful that you called meee and for your life and your loved ones aaand my life and my loved ones :)

QMoney said...

I thank God for my life,i thank God for my friends that have been responding to my txts and paying into my account even if i am yet to go to the market to buy aso ebi

I thank God for the successful completion of my mum;s 40days mourning/staying at home period

QMoney said...

I find the matter hard to relate with too cos i went to boarding school....are we talking someone that went to day school??UNI nko??tot everyone use to live in hostel on their own??how is it even convenient to be 35 and living at home??my sis became 22 last week and has been living alone since she was 15 or so as a medical student..i overdigress

My take is that there's no taboo in living alone @ 30-36,i think it gives one a sense of responsibility too,

QMoney said...

I thank God for my life,i thank God for my friends that have been responding to my txts and paying into my account even if i am yet to go to the market to buy aso ebi

I thank God for the successful completion of my mum;s 40days mourning/staying at home period

QMoney said...

am striving to be at the top of the top loverz....lol

Writefreak said...

Gee: yep you're first..lol..will go have a snoop at the esermon now. And i pray that your heart's desires be granted in Jesus name- Amen

SassyTrends: I agree with you!

FFF: Pele dear, i prolly wasn;t there at the time. I understand jare, will be looking out for you sa.
And yes i agree only financial or physical disabilities should make someone that old still stay with their folks..

Uzezu: lol at moving from your parents house to your husband's house and needing some breathing space...you're a clown!

Writefreak said...

downtheaisle: so much pressure everywhere for people en...you no marry wahala, you never born, issues, you born one, question...naija, we hail you! lol

I'm good thanks dearie, you?

sunnyside: thanking God for you too!

ttlola: i wonder too o, instead of busy being daddy's girl!

Neffie: my sentiments exactly! how's my sis doing? Oh, so now i'm the mother hen en? Well, always glad to look out for my girls :-)

fortheloveofme: amen o! at the power one...real amen!
lol at driving nuts...

Writefreak said...

MyneWhitman: Definitely, not all have the financial capacity. That's why i agree aside financial constraints and physical issues, i don't see why a 36 yr old should still be in the nest!

Geebee: almost unbelievable right? The days are going so fast!

Haveyouanywool: there's a lot of irresponsibility flying around! DOn't fight with your parents before you move out sa o...:-)

Chari: how can it pass you? lol...how're you my runaway aburo?

temmytayo: yeah you're right, way too much trouble!

Writefreak said...

Temite: i think you need to sleep men! Aburo mi, you're yarning dust...lol..your bros is doing good jare. Today is church, i need to get ready...xoxoxox right back at ya

Kafo: Will she move out? When daddy says no, you can't move out at 36..urghh

Enkay: exactly, outdated is the word! how you doing?

Dee: I suppose the reason she's still with her parents might be one of those she's unmarried (and it might not be)

jhazmyn: yes we thank God, His word is true..yes and amen!

aloted: cases of rape and theft? it's not safe to maybe live totally alone but sometimes people do and they don't get raped. I've lived totally alone for a few months before and it wasn't all bad...although i agree it's better and safer to share a place.
BQ ko, no be if your parents get BQ?

Lolia
thanks , how're you doing my dear?

QMoney
My dear, i thank God with you? How's your mum? I take it there's been a decision made?
keep working at it, maybe you can bounce aloted off the top loverz list...i doubt it though...

aloted said...

LOL...omo the risk of rape and theft is higher o..esp when u live ALONE.

yes ke..my parents get BQ thats why i mentioned it..lol...

ManCee said...

okay...that is so definitely overdoing it.
QED

Tigeress said...

maybe i'm too westernized in my thinking- but i'm sorry by a certain age- no child shld be living with their parents. what is a 30 yr old still doing at home?!!!

**OnYxStA** said...

Im 19 and im bursting to get out even if ive only been back home for the summe holidays lol....36? wow!

http://say-bleurgh.blogspot.com/

rethots said...

"if a parent cannot trust their kids to make the right decisions, then they have failed in their roles...over them." very well said. Infact, couldn't have been better said.

tobenna said...

Traditionally it is so for Nigerians. Umarried ladies living with their parents forever.
I think its personal though and I agree that living on your own does give you some experiences one needs to learn.
So, single ladies should break out.

histreasure said...

yeah, it is so traditional so as long as you are single you live with them..but that doesn't cut it anymore..
she has to take the plunge, do her thing, live her life..
i cant imagine it

Olamild said...

I totally agree with you
but it is unfortunate that some 9ja parents are like that. I happen to be a victim of that...now, I am not too old to be living with my parents but I have a feeling my mother won't let go when it's time for me to move on.

I work and take care of me
and I try to tell her you gotta let go sometimes ma...she says yeah yeah but hmmm we'll see.

To respond to the topic here, it is totally RIDICULOUS for a 30 yr old woman to be forced to live with her parents. It just makes no sense...she's old enough to make her own decisions for christ's sake.

StandTall-The Activist said...

I am thankful in anticipation of a miracle I so much expect from God.

I am not sure I understand all these “culture” issues that do not dignify any indivudial in anyway. I don’t know living alone as a woman is a taboo while it is alright for a man to do so. When we are dealing with adult regardless of sex, they should make their own decisions. I just hope we will have more informed people to deal with in our very society, even as parents, they should strive for more information. The different roles that men and women have to play are still part of our social construct and culture. Men and women can play the same roles without any hassle, it’s all about being open minded/liberal.