Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Living with the Parents

I have a bit time on my hands so I've been watching some TV, actually maybe too much TV...:)
This post is inspired by a movie I saw on Africa Magic Yoruba. An elderly couple decide to go and live with their two sons. The younger initially refused but the older prevailed on him. The agreement is that each parent will spend six months each with their sons and swap.
The mother gives the wife a tough time, and gets angry when her son does not greet her before going to work. She wakes up early in the morning and goes to sit in their room saying she wanted to talk to her son. The wife walks out (I'm getting pissed already)
The father dishes out his own medicine. He won't let anyone serve him food aside his son's wife. If she goes out for hours, he refuses food lamenting that his son's wife is punishing him. Wife is watching a movie, he asks, and she says she's been watching out for the second part of the movie so she's happy they're showing it. Father in law decides he wants to play a music video at the same time. So she stops watching her movie.
The brothers eventually decide to send their parents back home since they were beginning to have problems in their marriages. I'm totally in support, infact, they shouldn't have waited that long.
Go forward some time, apparently their parents are cut off from them. Both children are having problems in their lives and the younger consults an Islamic cleric (the way they always go in our movies) and the cleric says he needs to get his parents shoes. The son says it's an impossibility. Eventually the cleric goes with him and they make up with the parents.
We're made to understand that these two young men are having problems because they sent their parents out of their home.
I've got a good question for the writer of this movie: does it mean children can't do right by their parents if they're not living together?
We later find out that the parents were informed by a herbalist to stay with their children for some time and pronounce blessings on them daily to make sure they have no issues in life. They're supposed to keep it a secret from the children.
I have another question. Do people actually consult herbalists in real life? Can't we reach resolutions in our movies without involving the spiritual? I'm a believer and I trust in God for solutions but I don't go round consulting different pastors! Ok, this actually isn't about me..
Are we still such a fetisg society?
The brothers find peace after they make up with their parents and their parents pray for them and forgive them.
No mention was made of what the parents did to their daughters in lawnd how they almost ruined their homes. The writer's focus was on the children sending their parents out.
Does it mean parents have a right to run their children's lives or take over their homes because they suffered for them and fended for them. So it's pay time and they must move in?
I'm totally for taking care of one's parents and supporting them. The bible encourages honouring our parents but I believe parents should allow their children live their own lives. Parents who respect themselves don't impose on their children in my opinion. I know there are circumstances when a parent has to live with their child, sometimes in case of illness or some other unforeseen circumstances. A lot of times though, a parent will side with their child against a spouse which might cause problems in the marriage. Many wives have been known to contend with mothers in law for their husbands' love while a lot of husbands have been made to suffer the wrath of protective mothers in law.
Our society believes children are parents' investments and a parent must depend on children as they get older. I've seen different cases though.
I won't flog it. We all should take care of our parents and not abandon them. Please honour your father and mother so you may live long and it may be well with you.
My question to you is this though; will you bring your parent to live permanently in your home with your spouse?


LG said...

as per d film..... na Film!
as per bringing my folks to live in my matrimonial home permanently..... Nba!

*how u?

doll said...

where have you been sister?

Permanent basis ke? no..the parents, in-laws and what have you are welcome anytime...on a temp basis

@ilola said...

No, I wont bring my parents to live with me permanently, they wont even want to do that any way

Most Nigerian films are shallow, I cant stand to watch them cos they end up frustrating me and they are just a waste of my precious time.

Dee! said...

That is the quality of films produced in this part of the world...

To answer your question, I do not THINK it is WISE for parents to live permanently with their children. However, when circumstances make parents move in with their children, they (the parents) should not exceed their limits. They should not create toubles for their children!

aloted said...

naija films na naija films...useless sometimes

no it is not wise to bring your parent to live with you permanently.

Anonymous said...

permanently? NO WAY!

Olufunke said...

Like everyone has said, the writers of most of those movies have warped up minds.

It is obviously not a good idea for any parents to live permanently with a couple.


Fragilelooks said...

a no no no for me o.not sure i can even have my own folks in my matrimonial home o.

fantasy queen said...

ha, naija movies sha...

when parents move in permanently, no matter how much love you share, theres bound to be trouble.
but then some can make it work...to each his own.

NoLimit said...

With regards to the movie - Dumb...
Script writer - Probably needs brain change.
And with regards to you asking if the society is fetish - YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSS
It is actually absurd! but you'll be shocked at the length people go to for power,security etc...
Don't let the painted face and brazillian weave fool you or the dapper suit and italian shoes...underneath all the supposed civilization, many people are still "jungle minded"
As for me...I totally trust in the name of the Lord whose son is Jesus o...na Him be the original and Authentic way!lol

Anonymous said...


While not totally condemning the home video script writers, i daresay, that being opportuned to write (movie) scripts does not mean they have depth.

Nefertiti said...

Permanently? No bueno! o_0

QMoney said...

If this is a real life story,she should have been locking d door @ ni..lol
6months loun loun,wen it's not like she came to babysit???i tot men/husbands/fathers were d calmer/more reasonable ones?this script writer harsh ooh..lol
Wicked parents,so since d herbalist told them that,did d herbalist add "frustrate" d children&their wives in d process.......they shd have blessed thr children against all odds......
People(including a lotta miracle wonder pastors )visit herbalists in real life,dnt wrry herbalists dont live in abj wit u but they exist in d villages
Parents shouldn't live with their kids permanently under any guise abeg xcpt they are TERMINALLY ill&they are peace loving humans
The truth is dat d script writer was tryin to preach "honour ur parents",he was jus lousy at it......
How have u been babes??

LusciousRon said...

No! I say this because, even my parents wouldn't consider doing that to us. My mum has said it often enough and if you see my father in your house, you should get out the drums.

Honour thy parents but some parents are just plain selfish.

Evee said...

No parents on a permanent basis o.

tunmise said...

Babe,we as a nation are in transition and unfortunately we don't know how to balance itm
I'm all for cultural preservation,and I can assure you this is not part of our cultural heritage
Someone cooked it up. It is as a result of One woman in history who thot she was ill treated in her husband's home then started a revolution
(My theory)as all revolutions go,it was hijacked by some mean spirited woman!the film writer no 1 did no serious research&as with most
Nigerian movies different conflicts no resolution. As for being fetish everyone in the world is o
Some do it by X-files&all the paranormalls we watch and others like us seeking clerical succor!you will be amazed at the amount
Of pentecoastal that seek aladura. It is a culture that will take about 3lifetimes to change!
To answer your question NO. My father doesn't even know my house. My inlaws are not those kinds even if they were I'm sure we'd all
Reach a compromise!

Adiya said...

This is actually one of the reasons why i don't like to watch many Nigerian movies (except the comedies)- they place too much emphasis on prophets, juju, and predictions- it's annoying!


myheartlongsthesea said...

Most races specially Western ones consider it a taboo if a married son continued to stay with his parents or vice versa. But with my case, it is not a big thing with my hubby. My is currently living with us and i am glad that she near me.

depuy hip recall lawsuit