Friday, May 02, 2008

Mrs Neighbour and other Women!

So i was having a discussion with a few of my colleagues today and someone out of the blues asked a question; if your hubby happened to have a mistress, how would you deal with it? I was the only married person around, so i took it personal...lol...i said my hubby cannot have a mistress, so i cannot come up with how i would react...she goes what if? I said no, there is no what if! And i am right, hubby is God fearing, never been randy and more importantly, i pray for God to keep him and He does! I know he won't!

Anyway, i digress, the gist is not really about hubby and i...apparently my colleague was reading some stuff online and most women responded that it is not a new thing for their men to cheat and so long as they have their place, it's OK.

We went on to discuss how it is actually more of a norm for women to think that way and that the women who think their men would not cheat or do not have a right to cheat are in a minority like me! Ladies, what do you think? Then i go back memory lane, i was in 200 level in OAU and my roommates are having a discussion and they come up with one conclusion,
their husbands have to slap them around at least once so they can respect him!
I was in the minority, i was like what? God forbid, if a man slaps me, i would find it hard to get over it. In fact i thought what would i have to do for the guy to get to that point?? Haba! I digress again but my point is actually that it buttresses to me that some women actually have this mindset...

So fast forward to eight years, i meet a neighbour at a salon, we never knew we were neighbours (not like next door, her house is adjacent mine)...you know how conversations go in salons, so we got talking! For the purpose of this post and subsequent ones if i get to do them, i shall call her Mrs neighbour. My own thought was God have mercy, this woman can talk. In the one hour we spent together, i could summarise her love life story! She had been married to a young guy and somehow they had family interference and after their first kid, they got a divorce. She is now married to a much older man who was a divorcee...and although she's had some issues with the family, everything is ok and she is even pregnant with their first child together...Congratulations! lol

So we walked to our street together, actually that's how we knew we were neighbours and we exchanged numbers after we found out we were even from the same state...maybe i shouldn't have but for now, I'll save that gist...so we start to keep in touch once in a while, me mainly by text messages. She made the first move to visit me...will save that gist too for now, cos i am digressing too much now! Mrs neighbour starts talking about different things and i only nod or laugh and she mentions she knows her husband has girlfriends but that once they don't come near her house, and her position is secure, she has no problem with it. She goes on to mention a few of her friends who know about their husbands' affairs and how they don't seem to mind...She mentioned a few who reacted and how things turned out badly.

By now, i was telling myself, writefreak, what have you gotten yourself into? Who is this woman? Yours truly just sat down there smiling a foolish smile and thinking, this woman and i are worlds apart.

So i got myself a friend who thinks it's ok, her husband can cheat on her so long as she has her place in his home, she has friends who believe the same thing, she is married to a man who can almost be my father, the list continues...and i am trying my best to keep her at bay and get her off my back...

Guess i will continue with Mrs Neighbour part 2. Will love to hear what you have to say. Do you think it's right for a lady to expect her hubby/man to cheat on her? Do men have to beat women to earn respect? It annoys me even as i type the question!

30 comments:

Afrobabe said...

yipppeeee an update...

Afrobabe said...

Life is not fair, I dont want anyone beating my sisters or I and a cheating husband hurts deeply...

how can u pray for the continual success of a man who is chaeting on u.?

Omosewa said...

LOL, no woman can make my hubby cheat on me o, their charisma no reach.

Mrs neighbour and others like her have it all wrong.

aloted said...

well u are right..people like us belong to the minority...we are not of this world so we (including our partners/husbands)cannot conform to those things...

above all let us continue to pray for our husbands that they will not go astray!

btw- nawa for mrs neighbour o..pls dont let her corrupt u o

LG said...

@omosewa-abeg dont dare lagos girls o

personally, i believe a GOD FEARING man wldnt cheat on his wife
as per mrs.neighbour, i dont trust her o

Writefreak said...

@ All

Definitely being careful with mrs neighbour, i will update you all...don't y'all worry..writefreak is not about to start keeping bad friends!

My personal opinion is that a God fearing man will not cheat on his wife! With the help of God!

Aijay said...

LOL!! Babe, u've found urself a new friend. Hehe. Mrs Neighbour is something else. Geez...

My answers to ur questions:
"Do you think it's right for a lady to expect her hubby/man to cheat on her?"
-A big NO. Why should u EXPECT him to cheat?

"Do men have to beat women to earn respect?"
-lol... this question is funny. I really hope ur roomies were joking.

Its so unfortunate that our society has made SOME people accept infidelity as a norm. Men get away with it so easily but women... double standard.

May God help us!

rethots said...

Reading through, my 'minds i' comprehended my thots.....and towards the end of the post, you wrote it plainly.

"...this woman and i are worlds apart." Very simply, if two (or more) people don't see the world from the same perspective, there simply cannot be a common point (of agreement). Of compromise, i know not.

One thing we owe the contnual sustanance of our individual relationships is prayers.

Unbiased said...

Once a man lays a hand on me for reasons other than pleasure it is over o!! Cant take that in a man.

On the cheating thing, i really hope that if he does, he is smart enough not to let me catch him cause if i do sadly it is over.
Mainly because of broken trust and health reasons. Only God knows what kain disease he will bring from outside.

Zena said...

abeg,

don't let that woman come into your house again? let her carry her negative energy away

That isn't even a question, hell no. Personally I think I'd poor hot oil on my husband if he tried dat crap, I think I've shared on my blog, I come from a family where many of my aunts condone dat crap and I for one won't take it

As for beating a woman, only a coward would raise his hands to his wife

30+ said...

No you have not got yourself a friend o. Take a new broom and sweep her footsteps from your sitting room one time.

Any gisting, counselling, encouragement or socialisation henceforth should happen at the salon and some other public space.

This is no over reaction you are worlds apart hence.

Depending on which world you come from the answer to your questions vary. In my own world, mo sorry gan c'est ne pas possible

Allied said...

Ermm.. you have not found urself a friend.. abeg distance urself. But i am not shocked.. it is a naija mentality.

princesa said...

Warrahell!!!
It is absolutely not right for a wife to expect and be comfortable with her husband cheating on her.

I plan to be faithful to my husband and i expect fidelity 100% from him too.

God save us form cheating husbands.

ps:Maybe u shouldnt cut that woman off entirely. Your meeting must have been for a purpose, she needs some serious conselling.

Ur hubby is too cute. Reminds me of my dad who i can swear has never cheated on my mum in their thirty two years of marriage!

princesa said...
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princesa said...
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Uzezi said...

seriously writefreak,what ve u gotten urself into? mrs. neighbour should not use u as topic of discussion one day in a salon oh! why do people gossip in salons anyway? and y should most women think its ok for their men to cheat because their places are secured? very sick thoughts

Simi Speaks said...

beating like how?! that is a complete NO NO. I cant even thk of a situation that would warrant it.. I will jejely pack my children and load and bounce.

cheating. also a no no. but honestly how many people would leave their otherwise great husband AND father for cheating? majority of women wouldnt. thats the bitter truth.

now if he's having a serious affair, emotions are screwed, love baby somewhere. that's a whole another ballgame.

As long as you pray fervently about ur marriage. Everything else is left in God's hand... ONLY the fear of God can stop a man from cheating. So put God in the center of ur marriage and worry less about what if or when he cheats.

My 2 cents. ok, a lil' more. Ma bad! :-)

Doja said...

It is okay to forgive a cheating spouse but it is not okay to accept it as part of life.

anonymous gal said...

Omosewa i love your spirit o.sadly cheatin spouses are all over that i feel its silly to say hubby wont cheat. im so disillusioned that i doubt a one woman man exsists. do i want one hell yeah do they esist? million dollar question.

Arewa said...

1)Do you think it's right for a lady to expect her hubby/man to cheat on her? Hell no. I think u need to be very careful with Mrs Neigbour as you really dont need any stress. do not discuss your marriage with her at all and just be the good listener that you were during her visit. i just dont think that her beliefs and attitude towards her marriage is a good one and please do not encourage her as u are only human and the last thing that u want is to start getting paranoid about ur hubby and ur marriage just because of her stories.


2)Do men have to beat women to earn respect? HELL TO THE NO!!!!

STAY BLESSED HON X X X X

aloted said...

chick u've been tagged o..pls check my blog for more details

Olamild said...

I am not married but
I will not tolerate unfaithfulness
It is not and it will never be okay for a man to cheat on his wife.
If a man cannot do without messing around, he has no business getting married.

Do men have to beat women to get respect?

Men do not earn respect by hitting a female. Instead they show that they are more of an animal by hitting her. Any man that hits a woman is a coward and deserves to be behind bars.

Writefreak said...

@ everyone

thank you all for your comments, i definitely do not hold any of these beliefs too...
as for mrs neighbour, no need to worry about me allied, i do not intend being friends with her for long....
princesa...you make me blush about hubby but to be honest he is a wonderful man...
@simi speaks...lol at your two cents..you definitely said you heart! And i agree about putting God in the centre of everything
@ doja, i kinda agree with you about forgiving a cheating spouse...one should not throw the baby away with the bath water

Anonymous said...

men should NEVER cheat, everywoman should protect her husband well, it's a jungle out there...
associations can be good or bad-one needs to be careful, why must pple get chummy at salons anyway? :)
if your hubby's as cute as i hear... hmmm, stay away from mrs neighbour (and all of her types!)

Aijay said...

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

Pink-satin said...

husband slap who around!!!!!some women condone crap!

Afrobabe said...

Hey runaway blogger...its the month of June....any new gist??? whats up with ur book?

Standtall said...

Hmmm, you r a great Ife like me. Trust me, I had a lot of argument with pple on this mentality too. So backward a mentality.

How can I allow a man to hit me for respect sake? How do you respect as man that slaps you?

How can you feel comfortable with ur man cheating on u?

They don't know better or they are brainwashed by some cultural beliefs that men are never gonna be faithful. Very funny

NoLimit said...

Excuse my french but WTF!!!
don't know why women(some) have this mind set...but whatever happened to them must have been sordid for them to think that way...and with regards to that slapping around...I know and believe my husband(to be :-)) will never try that o! but if a guy trys that with me...hmmmn i'm so entering the gym to learn boxing...to get my own pound of flesh back of cos!
But on a more serious note...it is a real issue in Africa...and it's root runs deep!you'll be shocked at the statistics...if one is ever taken!

Tairebabs said...

My opinion lies somewhere between what doja and annoymous gal have already said. It is okay to forgive a cheating husband yes, but not to expect him to cheat. I also feel that every human being makes mistake so while I pray that the man I choose to call my husband will not cheat on me, am afraid experience has placed me in the position of saying I can only pray but not vow that he would not.

Beating me, I would never accept from anyman.

All said and done please get rid of mrs. neighbour or avoid her as much as possible. Her negative vibre can lead to no good.