Saturday, May 26, 2007

Recipe for Love

I was inspired yesterday by a friend to write down these things when i asked if he had a girlfriend and he said yes. I asked him the question because he was making me laugh a lot, very funny guy (if you're reading this, i hope you don't mind), anyway i told him i'm sure his girlfriend has a great time with him because he'll be making her laugh a lot. And then he said it is possible he makes other people laugh and no matter how much clowning he does, if his girlfriend is not happy with him, she is not. Sadly, this is true for a lot of people, they can converse freely with other people, laugh with them but their relationships with their partners are going awry or lacking spice. How many times have relationships ended because of these reasons: "we have fallen out of love", "he does not appreciate me", "she does not respect me" etc. I think i know some ingredients for a loving and lasting relationship. I haven't been at this long enough i know, i only got married 6 months ago but i was in a relationship that lasted 6 years and ended in marriage to my wonderful husband. There are principles which do not change over time and i'd like to share them.

Here are some tips i think are important for a wonderful and loving relationship:

* Laugh together - Laugh at yourselves, there are things that happen everyday that we can choose to laugh about. Joke about your mistakes, don't be touchy...Just look enough you will see reasons to laugh.

* Avoid criticism- You really don't have to mention everything that goes wrong, criticism kills a relationship. Find loving ways to communicate correction (note i said correction not criticism). Human beings generally do not like being corrected, the only way it's palatable is when we're sure the other person is looking out for our interest and is not proving superior.

*Pray together- An old saying goes "a family that prays together stays together", i guess that says it all.

*Give gifts- "You can give without loving, you cannot love without giving". Your gifts don't need to be expensive, the thought does it for most people especially if you're like me.

*Spice it up- Don't be dry, find interesting things to do with each other and share some interests. Your own interest might be watching movies together, do it as often as you can, it might be swimming, just think of anything you can do together for fun.

*Respect- Respect, i beg to differ is not domination!! Respect according to the dictionary in simple terms is the condition of being esteemed or honored. The other person wants to feel like you value them. Show some respect. If you're married, don't invite guests over without notifying your spouse, it shows a sign of disrespect. The first time some people hear of something going on with their partner is when their friends say it to their hearing. Show some respect for each other! Always ask yourself before doing something, will it honour or show esteem for my partner? And women, massage the guy's ego. Every man likes to feel he's in charge, i know it's hard in these days of "girl power" but hey, what's most important to you: emancipation or a loving lasting relationship?

*Be open- Don't keep secrets. Try to be each other's best friends. It might be hard initially but it will get easier as you practise this and go a long way in making a wonderful relationship.

*Be committed- Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, a euphoric feeling which you want to have forever. You catch the guy's eyes on the other side of the room and current passes all over your body...girl believe me, this only lasts so much time! The reason most people claim to have fallen out of love is they they think love is that gooey feeling. I'm not saying the feeling will not be there but sometimes you won't have it...Love is most importantly a commitment!

These are a few tips, i could go on and on but they will all revolve around these few theories i guess. Most importantly, the bible teaches us a lot about love and if you're interested you can model 1Cor 13 :4-7 in your relationship, you will never have to fall out of love if you follow the principles stated there. This portion of scriptures says:
Love is patient, love is kind.It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Just ponder on those verses, do you think that with them you could ever go wrong in love? I sincerely doubt.
Falling in love is a wonderful thing, being in love is great and staying in love is awesome! It's like old wine, it gets better with the years.
I'm grateful i have found love and i thank God for giving me a husband who teaches me to love daily. Thanks baby, you're the best! To those of you who are still looking for love, i pray you find it and if you have found it, i pray for the grace to hold on to it and be able to stay.


PJ said...

My dear Real good words - Truth and we forget atimes to work with these simple principles...

Don't stop writing :-)


Writefreak said...

Thanks for the encouragement, highly appreciated...I will keep writing, you too keep reading!

Anonymous said...

Tolu, this is cool, i know u ll love talking about this.
honestly its a good stuff for people to ponder on.........
keep the pen rolling

Anonymous said...

miss tolu (dont know if u still go by that) true say..true so simple sometimes you almost miss it..writing from 'experience'....well done chic

mnkd said...

great stuff. you are blessed and highly favored.
GOD bless you.

palobi2001 said...

dear Tolu
what a lovely blog.You are so very fortunate,not only to have found love BUT to be able to know all these wonderful insights.
I hope you and you hubby have a wonderful loving long marriage.
from Tricia
your often absent friend.
stay well stay strong stay in faith with God.

Anonymous said...

this is 15 minutes of ANONYMOUS fame for me :-))

its refreshing to have a wholesome, inspiring article like this in a Bloggistan where every second blog is a catalogue of sexual indiscretions and relational foolishnesses. Go girl!


y'know who (lol)

Writefreak said...

ok mr anonymous! you and i know that i know that you know that i know that you're the one! I take it you don't mind....thanks for the nice comment

The Pseudo-Independent said...

This is only to reserve a seat here and I will be back to comment properly after reading the above excellent post.
Ill be back. However, just in case I am taking too long, please give me a shout.
See you shortly.

Writefreak said...

pseudo-independent, thank you for visiting. Will take you up on the offer to come back...thanks

Tayo said...

Great stuff, really feeling you on this. Your relationship lasted 6 years? Wow, that's a great achievement! Please bring more of these articles, The world needs them.

aloted said...

Well said!

blondie said...

Its a great write-up you have there. Often we tend to overlook important issues, take ourselves for granted and then wonder where the love has gone. It fizzles away, its not a one time thing.
Continue with the good work, God bless you. Bola

Anonymous said...

tolu girlie, o ga ooo, 6 months don pass be that? nice and insighful stuff that calls for structural adjustment in every reader. keep the fire aglow, your best is yet to come. keep pressing

Anonymous said...

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