Thursday, November 29, 2007

Mind Your Own Business/ Leave me Alone

Hi's been some days since i last posted or snooped around blogs..ko le da na ni(it's so that things might be well):-) . I am now able to say confidently that i'm the proud owner of a manuscript of over 200 pages and over 83,000 words! I guess that's the easy part, now i have to start editing and talking to publishers . Hope things go real smooth and pretty fast, can't wait to start seeing my books on the shelves and people buying them.
I wonder if i'd have been able to write the book if i wasn't married to my dear hubby (he's my inspiration) and i'll say no..marriage has added so many blessings to my life! Soppy me..hehehe. Earlier this year or late last year, he took me to a book store, showed me the nigerian fiction shelf and said 'sweet, when am i going to see your book have it in're a beautiful writer, don't waste your talent'. That spurred me on and along the line when i've taken a rest to drink water and it looks like i'm camping there, he reminds me we have a target to finish before the year runs out..when i told him i finished the first draft..i could see the joy on his face and the look of accomplishment and it just makes me feel oh i married the right man. He delights in my accomplishment. Even if the book doesn't become a best seller or isn't very popular (i'm hoping for the two.:)), there's a sense of purpose here, i'm not burying my talent. There's so much more i have in here..not even scratching the surface yet but i know this year has been a complete turn around for me :)my life can't ever remain the same again.
To my blogville fans who keep encouraging me although they have no clue what i'm writing, thanks for your blind faith and kind words, means a lot to me. I'm blessed beyond measure. So guys watch out for me on the book shelves next year hopefully..

Now to the issue on my mind at the moment, it's bugging me a bit that people are finding it hard to mind their business, so if you're in that category, please be warned!
This might end up being a rant post, so please bear with me, just need to get some stuff off my chest.

Yours truly went for an old time friend's wedding and saw an old neighbour who also happens to be my mum's friend there and decided to be a nice girl..greeting the woman with as much enthusiasm as i felt and she motioned to me to come sit by her a while. Hubby had stepped out of the church service which was dragging so i thought there could be no harm. She hugged me and asked general 'i care' questions. Next thing this woman looked at my flat belly and said 'ki lo se e? (what's wrong with you)'. I had a bewildered look on my face and told her i'm fine ma. She said 'no o, so the story i heard is true. That you're waiting to buy a car before having kids! I had said i would come and meet you in lagos and talk some sense into your head. What kind of thinking is that?'' . All the while, the church service is still going on and she's ranting in yoruba trying to keep her voice low. Another old neighbour was seated to her right who was probably enjoying the free gist. I was so upset, i just plastered a stupid smile on my face and calmly told her i'm fine and she shouldn't worry about me and thinking 'my mum must hear this. Please where's hubby to save me from this witch of a woman'. I used hubby as excuse..told her i'll see her again and went to my seat fuming inside. Please tell me, what's her business? Even if it's true i'm saving up for a car(which isn't), does it concern her? I pity her sons' wives! We're not even related in any way o.

A friend who was at our wedding last year called me yesterday and asked how i'm doing. I haven't heard from her since then by the way, didn't even know she still has my number. She exchanged the usual pleasantries, how's your husband? How's your work? I told her fine and then she goes 'do you have a baby now?' and i said no. She said are you pregnant? I humour her and say no, then she says i hope everything's alright. I just wanted to check with you since i've not heard anything. And that another friend of hers who got married at the same time has a baby now, i couldn't wait for her to land anymore, had to cut her short. I told her congrats to your friends, we're not the same people though and we have different plans for our lives so does God. Thanks for checking up on me. It's highly appreciated. She promptly ended the call. Maybe she was expecting to hear tales of how i'm praying day and night and getting depressed. God forbid!

Those are just two instances out of so many and i'm wondering why people are so nosy and insensitive. Family will ask questions, friends will ask, neighbours will poke their noses. If something is going on in my life that you don't know, it means we're just not that close..get the message and don't ask me dumb questions. Does one need to ask a pregnant woman? My answer now is when it happens, you'll know..or maybe silence is even the best answer, what'd you guys think?

Why do people around here act like once you get married, a baby must show up in the next mine months??? What if i don't want my life that way? Does it never occur to them? Kids will make my life fuller and richer but while they're not yet there, i'll enjoy my life on the way to where i'm going. They should stop acting like i have problems. No thank you, my hubby and i are fine and enjoying life the way it is and looking forward to the future.

So do you guys think i have a right to be upset or not? I'm holding my head up and refusing to question what i know was a wise decision and looking forward to the blessing of a child. Should i kill myself because someone thinks i am not wise? Should i become a nut case because i am thought to be nonchallant? I don't want to, i refuse to, i'll be strong and keep my head up. But the society makes it so hard. There's pressure all which i refuse to cave in though. I keep reminding myself of what my hubby says..'whatever is going on in our family is strictly OUR business!'. They should help us leave it as such.
Rant over now, how're you guys doing?


Funmi said...

am the first!!!

first i couldnt help put a fist in the air when i read the bit about your book (yes, i say book cos the most difficult part is over). Congrats gan ni (u must send me a copy here oh!*wink*)
On the issue of those "nosey" people, i wish i could tell u there was a "nose" poison to get rid of them - but truth is our culture has created such norms that the "expected" is baby after 9months... since we cant change that,what can be changed is how u react. that is within ur sphere of control. u cant prevent rats from running around lagos but u can prevent them from entering ur kitchen abi?
so in same manner, when they start poking like that, u nicely BUT FIRMLY place them where they belong. they will get the message and keep off (at least the nosey part of their mouth)

Wow, i almost blogged here oh. sorry jare...

Aijay said...

My dear take it easy.
I've learnt that people will always talk so please just disregard them and move on with ur life.
First there's pressure to get married, u get married then they start bugging u to get preggers. Jobless people!

Let me move on to better things... congrats on ur manuscript. U're a hardworker & u've got talent. I'm sure ur book will be fab. Looking forward to reading the finished product.
Take care!

Allied said...

Oya, take a deep breathe... release... Sorry.

Congrats on your finished manuscripts. Gbogbo a da oluko Jesu.

Regarding your rant, that is Nigerian society for you. Once you are 24-25 you have to get married... when you are married, you have to have a baby within the year. Just ignore them and smile.

Won ni ise se. Jobless people.

Mythots said...

Congrats on your manuscript oh! (some of us are restricted to blogging)
On those nosey people, u can only refuse to allow them get to you. Bombastic elements ...The whole lot of them!

Tanx for stoppping by my blog. the jist has now been updated

Afrobabe said...

Congrats on the book, can't wait to get a read...


IGNORE them...

Arewa said...

Dont mind that ur friend jare.. there no room for bad belle for u ooh....Your dreams and wishes will all be granted by Gods grace...just make sure u send me my autographed copy oooh or else TROUBLE!! MUWAH X X XX

Arewa said...

Dont mind that ur friend jare.. there no room for bad belle for u ooh....Your dreams and wishes will all be granted by Gods grace...just make sure u send me my autographed copy oooh or else TROUBLE!! MUWAH X X XX

For the love of me said...

People will always say these things, but we have to learn to ignore them. Dont let it bother you my dear.
Congrats on the book. I hope you are considering foreign publishers as wellas the options in Nigeria are very limited. After farafina and cassava republic, who else? All the best sha. You have done a great thing

aloted said...

congrats on the completion ur manuscript..proud of u girl. all the best

As for people, people will always be people and like someone rightly mentioned you can only change how you react or rather respond to them. You know what God is doing in your life so all they can do is talk...idle talk

It is well with you o jare.

funmi said...

WF, hope u are over the "busybody" people now oh!
welcome to a new more month of thanksgiving 4 u!

tanx 4 stopping by my blog and yes, u may add to ur list. (tanx for the offer)

Writefreak said...

thanks girl..You'll get a published autographed copy if you promise to buy at least 50:)lol...i've moved on from those people..just felt a need to rant
tell me about the pressure! But God pass them sa
thanks babe for the prayer though your yoruba might need some polishing..hehehe
@ my thots
thanks for reminding me of that word..bombastic- lmao
i'm taking your advice
no vex for me o! Promise my next post shall be your excuse not to blog in a while.:-)...thanks for the prayer
@ for the love...
Well looking into the publishing opportunities now and trusting God to get a good deal
Thanks everyone for making me feel good

Omosewa said...

Na wa o, Nigerians sef. I pity the person that'll ask me that kind stupid question...its just so wrong and annoying? There's no need to pay them any mind jare...and i agree with your husband..its strictly your business.

Let me know when the book hits the shelves, i'm getting two copies:)

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

congratulations on the manuscript draft. I know how hard it is to write a thesis on work that was actually done, let alone write a story that is birthed out of the imaginary. Well done again.

Now on the issue nosy neighnours..... my goodness regardless of what stage you are, you'll always get it. If you are single.. you must be mummy if you marry and husband is beating you, it is your fault.. and if you then choose to spend the first few years of marriage in bliss before asking God to bless your marriage with children... that one again is another

The way you are handling it all is good, and it takes a wise woman to hold her cool. People will always talk regardless.

stay blessed.

Allied said...

ahh.. My Yoruba needs polishing? Na lie

I was the best student in Yoruba for 3 yrs.

It is correct jare...

Olamild said...

Don't mind them o jare
When I tell my friends I'm not having any babies during the first 3 yrs or marraige, they think I'm crazy.

People practically count the months 4 u once u tie the knot. na yam? no mind them jare... take your time and enjoy your marraige.

CONGRATS on d manuscript

anonymous gal said...

I will surely read you book as soon as its out, make sure u leave the name here.
Ps dont mind the Nigerian mentality of baby asap. You are lucky you have good husband jo. Baby will come when it comes no sooner no later.

Olamild said...

you just put up the poster
It's an upcoming album o writefreak
You're gonna make me cry now
THank u so much 4 posting the banner.

aloted said...

hope u are over the busybodies?

..just to let you know you've been tagged! Check my blog for more details and make sure you follow the rules.

Tayo said...

Congrats on your book ... finally! Ok, now I can't wait to read.
BTW, fashi those busybodies o. The harassment never stops. After the first child, they'll start asking for the 2nd one, then school, then ... on and on. Abeg let them mind their business!

Olamild said...

Glad to know you and your hubby are doing fine.

I'm always delighted to come to your page. I think your banner is even bigger than the one on my page hahah

Jaybabe said...

Okay. I know they might be family, and you can't ignore them. But babe nobody has to force you to do smth you are not even ready to do. If you are not ready now to have a baby, thats your plan. I have never stopped wonderin' why somebody is expected to have a baby immdiately after the wedding. A wedding is costly. How can one rush into startin' a family while still payin' debts caused by the weddin'? Abeg...but i hope you are fine oo! Congrats on gettin' the manuscript to the end...xx

Writefreak said...

@ aloted
thanks sweet, i know you always ahve my back and thanks for your many're da best! Yes i have forgotten the busy bodies o...i have better things to do with my time...i am rising to the challenge of yours and arewa's tag
I tire for these people
I have to root for a sister now but i have now moved the banner to the side as i have been asked so many questions on
@ jaybabe
you know lots of people who have no plans for their lives and rush into everything, me i no care jare, yes i'm very fine, thanks my sister

Allied said...



Congrats on the book!!!!

Simply take it easy, sha.

Oh, and update sometime soon!

Arewa said...

Sweetie how far??! Update now!! x

rethots said...

...will surely love to read your book. He (or her) was right when they said, the journey of a thousand miles begins with the 1st step. 'tis the most important, & you've taken it. Congrats.

For the meddlesome, afrobabe put it succinctly, 'ignore them' -don't dignify them with responses.